Springtime is here! Easter already happened, and summer break is fast approaching, but any Jew knows what's coming up next: Passover! Break out your unleavened bread and Manischewitz, because it's time to celebrate. For those of you who don't know, Passover is the celebration of the Jews leaving Egypt and the slavery they endured under the Pharaoh in Ancient Egypt. The holiday itself is over a week long, but its first two nights are the most iconic: the Seders. At the seder the whole family gets together to retell the story of leaving Egypt, to eat A LOT of food, and oh ya, drink some wine. Anyone who's been to a Seder can tell you the different types of people you'll meet.
1. The person who took the obligation to drink four cups of wine too seriously.
One of the seder obligations is to (at various points) drink a total of four glasses of wine. Everyone has that one cousin, or is that one cousin, who takes four as more of a suggestion as opposed to a serving size. Four glasses total? More like four glasses each time. It's no surprise they're giggling through Dayenu, and it's not even time for food.
2. The Lightweight
Slightly different from the first guest, the lightweight seriously can't hang. They pace themselves, but by the second cup, you can't tell if their speech is slurred or if that's just Hebrew. Either way, the lightweight usually doesn't make it all night.
3. The Scholar
The seder can sometimes go on for a while, and that tends to be because of our next guest, the scholar. This is the family member who chimes in at just about every part of the retelling with a thought, or comment about what they, or some other scholar thinks. They can drone on for ages and when they're finally done, you feel as liberated as the Jews.
4. The page counter
The most impatient at the table, the page counter just wants to eat already. They looked at how many pages are left when you opened the book, and they constantly check how much the table has progressed. Only...25 more pages until food!
5. The person who didn't eat enough before seder
EVERYBODY knows, you need to prep for seder food-wise. You're about to head into three hours of story telling, and you've been locked out of the kitchen all day because everyone and their mother is cooking a feast. Most people find a way to cram it in before seder, but there's always that one person who messed up, and oh boy do they pay for it.
6. The one who has no clue what's happening
The person sitting at the table who's about 10 pages behind, in the wrong language, and probably not even reading the same book. It's a rough day for this guest who only ever gets it when the head of the table tells everyone what page to turn to. Then they all start singing and you're lost all over again.
7. The adults who get way too excited about finding the afikomen
The afikomen is a piece of matzah that gets hidden in the middle of the seder, and the KIDS are supposed to find it right before dessert. What ends up happening is the 20 year olds all go nuts because they still want the prize for whoever finds it and tear up the house. Oh well, maturity is overrated.
8. The Host/Hostess
WARNING: DO NOT ANGER! The prep for the Passover seder is ridiculously immense, so this is the most stressful day of the year for your host. You probably wont see much of them the whole night, but the food is usually amazing.
9. The Musician
Without a doubt, everyone has that one person at the table who knows a tune to every single part. They didn't come to see a play, they came to see a musical. Don't be surprised if they rope you in to a few rounds of songs you don't know.
10. And of course, The All-nighter
Some people have the tradition to stay up until the next morning, and sometimes those people are sitting at the table. You've had your wine and food and just want your mattress, but that won't stop the all-nighter from going as hard as possible.
Seder can be really fun, it's like a second Thanksgiving for Jews- minus the bread type products that is. It's a good time to get together for a big meal, catch up and enjoy time together. Which guest will you be this year?
