It's syllabus week everyone! While we are all excited that it means we will not have much work for the first week, we all are dreading to hear the same statements over and over again by the professors who insult your intelligence by reading word for word what the syllabus says for 50 minutes even though you read the whole thing in the first 15 minutes of class. (I understand you want to explain to the class but reading it aloud is not explaining it.) I write this article on a Friday afternoon after my sophomore syllabus week at Waynesburg University. After this whole week, I have collected some thoughts that most professors will say to you and, of course, my sarcastic remarks to each.

1. "My class is going to prepare you for the real world."

Have I been living in a fake world this whole time? Yes, your class may prepare me for my career field, but please do not insinuate that I do not know what the "real world" is because, quite frankly, you have no idea what each student in your class has experienced and chances are the "real world" has caught up with us at least once in our lifetime.

2. "You cannot fail this class unless you try to fail."

Say that to the five people who failed your course last semester. I bet they will beg to differ.

3. "I will not remember your name."

I appreciate your honesty. I probably will not remember yours either.

4. "I don't like busy work. I give these assignments out for a reason."

I do not like busy work either. In fact, I do not like most work.

5. "Please don't make my job harder."

Please do not think I will actually put in the time and effort to make your job harder. I have more important things to worry about. (Like which Gilmore Girls episode I am going to stream tonight.)

6. "If you plagiarize, you will fail this course."

Thanks, Sherlock.

7. "Attendance is crucial."

Are you even going to take attendance anyway?

8. "I do not accept late work."

If I have to make sure my work is turned in on time, then you need to make sure my grades are posted in an acceptable amount of time as well.

9. "My office hours are by appointment only."

Then what is the point of an office hour? Office hours are suppose to be an open time when students can come approach you with questions.

10. "If you don't have the book, you won't pass."

Tell that to my empty wallet and the student before me who did not buy the book yet still managed to get an A.