Self care is so important in this day and age where everything is digital and impersonal. Self care is essential for trauma survivors, parents, those with mental illnesses, service industry workers, students and just about everyone.
When my therapist asked me last week what I'd like to do for self care, I told her I'd move to an island or a place near the beach for three months, read books on the beach and make shell art.
She asked how realistic this was for me and I told her not really, she highly suggested I investigate how much time I could get off of work and look into taking a leave of absence. She asked if there was anyone I felt safe with that I could stay with. I told her about the few friends from home I could stay with but how I often felt triggered at home and last time had an awkward encounter with my rapist at a home town bar. She immediately 86'ed that idea and told me I could not go to a place where I experienced trauma. She asked if I had considered taking a leave from work and school and going out of town temporarily and working a low stress job that would be just enough for food and rent and leave time for reading, beaching, and healing. As I'm currently trying very hard to graduate on time and work enough to save for post graduation, this was tempting but not the right choice for me. So we thought of some other things one can do when a multiple month island vacation filled with books and fruity drinks for self care and self love.
1. Beach Trip
Even if it's for a day or one night at a cheap hotel, there's something about saltwater that helps clear the mind and makes me happy.
2. Cooking
Have you ever taken the time to make yourself a nice meal? I know most people wait until they have guests to bring out the fancy steak and the nice silverware, but cooking a nice meal for yourself can be very rewarding. If you can't find your way around the kitchen at all or after simply too tired, order your favorite take out and put it on your own plates to make it seem like it's home cooked or restaurant style. It's the little things that can make such a big difference.
3. Planting/Gardening
You can held to your local nursery or any garden center and get some starter plants, cacti, seeds, soil, pots and get tips from the employees about what will work best in your space. As a kid, I thought of gardening with my Mom as a chore, but when her tulips, peppers, squash and tomatoes grew and ended up in the kitchen I beamed with pride. If you're in an apartment without any space to garden, you can still get some potted flowers, herbs or a cactus to green up your space and take care of.
4. At Home Spa Day
My mother went to cosmetology school decades ago and never pursued a career in cosmetology, but always took us to beauty supply stores and taught us how to get a salon experience at home. She actually owns one of those foot baths they have at salons, and last time I went over she added one cup of apple cider vinegar to the foot bath and it helped exfoliate dead skin off my feet and kill bacteria and leave them smelling good for days. If you don't have a fancy foot bath, you can add apple cider vinegar to your bath water and dangle your feet in it or in a small bucket or tub. There's also so many products on the market to add to your bath experience to make it super relaxing, but first you need to commit to a bath. I'm always asking for LUSH bath bombs and bath products as I normally don't spend money on those kind of things. I fill my bathroom with candles, beer, my favorite music and draw a bath. I then add the bath bomb, bubbles or epsom salts and soak until I'm pruny or sleepy. You can also make cheap facemasks like raw honey and cinnamon, greek yogurt, coconut oil, avocado and strawberry, baking soda with honey and lemon, and so many more. If you have it in your cabinet or fridge, there's a good chance you can use it in a face mask. Coconut oil, apple cider vinegar and baking soda are cure all's that you can use for a million things each and should look into for some cheap self care spa day recipes.
5. Sunset
Sunsets are always free and always a little different. They happen everyday but are still so extraordinary when enjoyed. Find a spot in your backyard, park, beach or on a bench and just watch the sun as it sets. It'll make you feel small and in awe all at once. Bring a sketch pad or notebook to draw or write about what you see and feel while watching it.
6. Do Nothing
Give yourself a day or a few hours out of your day to ignore household chores, emails, work drama, assignments and your todo list. If that means eating Ramen and binge watching America's Next Top Model reruns, then do it. If that means going on a run and then making a smoothie bowl, do it. If it means cutting apart a magazine and buying a glue stick to make a collage or reading a book or baking and eating cupcakes, then do it. You need time to heal and to recharge from the stresses of your life. It's okay to take that time when you need it, because you're going to be better for it in the long run. If something is already late, it won't matter if it's another three hours late while you take a nap and do a conditioning treatment. Your dirty dishes will survive in the sink another night while you take a yoga class and grab a beer with your bestie. Sometimes, you need to relax, recharge and reboot for a night and take on the world tomorrow.
7. Go Outside
Even if you walk your dog around the neighborhood, ride a bike around the block or stop at the park and duck watch on your way home from work—going outside can give you a much needed change of scenery and fresh perspective. You could plan a day swimming at the lake, a picnic, take a workout class in the park or just simply stop and appreciate the flowers and foliage on your way home. Even for those without a lot of time, it can be so peaceful and relaxing to take your lunch outside or to take walk during your break at work. Any bit of sunshine and dose of nature will do you good.
8. Figure Out What Makes You Feel Safe
If you feel safe surrounded by your gamer friends, in your book club, at church or at your poker game—spend time with people who make you feel safe. If doing kickboxing or karate makes you feel safe, make sure you're spending time doing those things. Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and supported and seek out activities that do the same.
9. Figure Out What Makes You Feel Powerful
8 & 9 Coincide and are actually something my therapist asked me about this week as well. Finding what makes you feel safe is essential to making sure you can have or create a safe space and retreat if necessary and finding what makes you feel powerful is good for your self esteem and gives you peace of mind. I feel powerful when I write, some feel powerful when they paint, tell jokes, cook, garden, dance, run, lift weights, style themselves or others, know the weather, mow the lawn, clean, bond with their families, or when they publicy speak. It's different for everyone and what makes you feel powerful doesn't have to be about how strong you are or what or how much you can accomplish, it's different for everyone. Once you figure out what makes you feel safe and makes you feel powerful, you can create a space or find something that makes you feel both.
10. Chart Your Goals and Write Positive Reaffirmations to Yourself
If you haven't ever asked yourself what you can accomplish, it might be the time to do so. Knowing your strengths and abilities is powerful and can help you accomplish your goals. If you sit down and write about what you're good at and what you can improve on and how your skills are useful, you might just feel a lot less lost. Everyone is on their own path, and some people get upset or feel worthless if they're not married with great jobs, degrees, two and a half kids, three dogs and a family home by 25. So many of peoples ideas of what they should be doing unrealistic and influenced by the media, society, or what their parents did. Everyone is different and everyone accomplishes goals differently. Sitting down and writing about your strengths, goals and how you'd like to get their can get people thinking about future life plans. Whether you want to travel, care for your family, pursue a degree or land a job in your field, writing it down with only help you do so and can be a great way to organize your thoughts and make a timeline in when you think you could reach these goals or reach the next step in your journey.
Don't forget self care is important and so is self love!