Naked mole rats sure are mysterious creatures. Over the course of the past eleven years, I have dedicated my life to tracking their social patterns. Today, I am pleased to present you with ten previously unknown facts about them.
10. They love potluck dinners.
Naked mole rats are surprisingly social creatures. Every once in a while, they like to get together and catch up on life. Their favorite way of engaging with their friends and relatives is over a piping hot dish of casserole. Fun!
9. They're Guinness World Record holders.
In 2007, a group of 4,396 naked mole rats set the Guinness World Record for "Most Rodents Dressed Up Like Oscar Wilde Under One Roof." The gathering took place on August 28th at the Milwaukee Convention Center. This title was previously held by the common dormouse.
8. A naked mole rat inspired one of Weezer's most beloved hits.
The band Weezer's song "Undone (The Sweater Song)'" was actually written about a naked mole rat named Siobhan Kelleher, who broke lead singer River Cuomo's heart in the sixth grade (pictured below).
7. They're very spiritual.
While naked mole rats are a species tolerant of all beliefs, the most commonly practiced religion is Smithstianity. On a bi-weekly basis, Smithstian mole rats gather at Temple dressed in fashions reminiscent of patron saint Morrissey, where they sing cherished hymns such as "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" and "London."
6. Serial killer spouses Fred and Rosemary West were actually naked mole rats.
In what could be viewed as the darkest point in naked mole rat history, husband and wife Fred and Rosemary West of Gloucester, England were convicted of the brutal murders of eleven young women.
5. They can be entrepreneurs.
In 2011, a naked mole rat named Marsha Olivero founded the company "Moms Who Need Wine," a community of wine moms and Wine-of-the-Month club for mole rat mothers who need a little extra help getting the kids to school. For $39.95 a month, members receive two mystery bottles of wine, leaving some mothers to say, "Two bottles a month? How bout two bottles a day? LOL!"
4. And philanthropists.
Naked mole rats engage in a myriad of charity events, ranging from building shelters for homeless LGBTQIA+ youth, to sitting with the elderly and singing them Blondie songs.
3. They are all deathly allergic to Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Naked mole rats lack an enzyme in the stomach lining that would allow them to break down the chemically derived creme center of the egg. Because of this, many mole rats go into hiding during the Lent season, only leaving their burrows to run to the store and pick up a few bottles of bourbon.
2. Many naked mole rats are artistically inclined.
Some of the greatest surrealist paintings were completed by naked mole rats. Works thought to have been painted by famous artists such as Salvador René Dalí or René Migrette were actually the genius of several naked mole rats dipped in ink and paint, scurrying around on large sheets of canvas (examples below.)
(The Lovers II, 1928, "René Migrette")
(Drawers of Memory, 1965, "Salvador Dalí")
1. They're trying to take over the American government.
While a growing number of Americans believe Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz to be the Zodiac Killer, he is actually a naked mole rat. Excluded by his peers from a young age, Cruz's bid for the White House is actually a ploy to get revenge on those who did him wrong.
