CO-WRITTEN BY: Carly Eason and Rachel Rice

Post-grad dream jobs don't actually exist. 

“The first thing I realized about the real world is that when you graduate, I'm not sure you’re  even supposed to like your job.”

“Post-grad dream jobs exist only in Lizzie McGuire movies.”

“This is NOT what dreams are made of.”” 

“Post-grad dream jobs have healthcare and metro benefits." 

“Remember when we were young and naive and didn’t know about metro benefits? (this is  when your employer pays for your metro)”   

G-Chat is your new BFF 

“G-Chat is the new AIM without the catchy away messages.”

“...Or the buddy profile.” 

“G-Chat is for acting like you are typing away at a project but really you are exchanging  Buzzfeed articles.”

“G-Chatting for the first time is an equivalent experience to your first cell phone. It’s life  changing. You never knew communication could feel so good.” 

Don’t ever wear your dad’s Harvard Law shirt in public.

“People who live in DC actually know people who go to Harvard."

“People from Mississippi know people who know people who knew someone that went to  Harvard once.”

“When you do this people will approach you and ask you if you go to Harvard because they go  to Harvard and then you have to decide very quickly if you should roll with it or be honest. (Roll  with it)” 

Uber

“Uber is for city life.” 

“People who take Ubers care about the environment.”

“Taxis are for people who like institutions.”

“In a taxi you look out the window/text violently because you are scared of being abducted. But  in an Uber you immediately strike up a conversation about your driver’s journey to citizenship.” 

5.Trader Joes > Whole Foods

“People who shop at Whole Foods make over $70,000 a year.” 

“People who shop at Trader Joe’s probably own a Jack Johnson t-shirt.” 

“Trader Joe’s is bougie on a budget.”

Metros

“Metros are for peasants.”

“Peasants are unpaid interns.”

“I want to be above public transportation but I also am a poor intern.” 

Interns in High Heels

“Interns in high heels have a poster of Monica Lewinsky on their wall.”

“Interns in high heels love their staff assistant.”

“Interns in high heels wear their intern ID above the waist.”

“To avoid being sexist: this also applies to interns who bring a briefcase to work.”

Interns who talk politics at the bar.

“...Should have their right to freedom of speech revoked.” 

“Interns who talk politics at the bar probably play lacrosse at Wake Forest.” 

“Interns who talk politics at the bar think that being a Democrat in a red state makes them the  millennial version of Joan of Arc.” 

“They probably volunteered for a city council campaign one time.” 

“They have no respect for the concept of having fun.” 

$30,000 millionaires 

“$30,000 millionaires live in DuPont.” 

“They only wear Jos A Bank sports coats” 

“$30,000 millionaires will buy you Fireball shots at the bar.” 

“$30,000 millionaires love Fireball and Bill Clinton.”

“They think Bill Clinton is the frattiest President ever. Despite not being in a fraternity themselves.” 

“They think that an open bar is the definition of classy. “

“They wear seersucker suits to the bar and pretend they wore them to work.”

“They hand you their black card with two hands because ‘it’s heavy.’ ” 

“The black card has their Dad’s name on it.” 

Brunch

“Brunch is the meal you splurge on because it is impossible to be on a budget at brunch.” “Brunch counts for two meals so technically you’re saving money.” 

“If you made it through your summer and haven’t been Brunch Drunk you probably like Rihanna  more than Beyonce.”