Do you ever wonder what your local barista is secretly thinking every single day of his/her barista life? Well, here you have it, America—everything your barista is thinking but won't say.
1. Spelling your name right is the least of our worries.
2. Your phone call is not that important.
3. Chances are, we didn’t actually make that skinny, and you didn’t even notice.
5. People who order dry cappuccinos are the worst human beings on the planet.
Why are we wasting milk so you can lick a tub of foam?
6. Stop calling the drink sizes small, medium, and large.
At Starbucks, they are called
Short, Tall, Grande, and Venti. Get over yourself and call them that, please:
it’ll help us all avoid confusion.
7. Asking for extra caramel isn't cute.
It's called drizzle. And please stop asking for extra caramel with everything.
8. We don’t think your nine-pump quad-mocha sounds good.
9. Your coffee isn’t the most important thing in the world.
10. We hate whoever invented the “double-blended.”
Some genius thought this was a smart way to get a “smoother” Frappuccino. But what you’re really getting is an extra-watery milkshake. Do you really want us to be forced to put your Grande drink in a Venti cup? Does that make you feel good about yourself—like you cheated the system? Be a real man and just order an ice-free iced latte instead.
11. Nothing is worse than making a non-fat, extra-foamy cappuccino.
Let's face it, non-fat milk makes horrible foam.
12. Scratch that. Nothing is worse than making a no-foam latte.
We have to scoop the foam off of your drink by hand, which slows everything down. On behalf of baristas everywhere, let me say, foam is a good thing.
13. Please do not order something from the secret menu.
We do not have those drinks memorized or half of the ingredients for them, or they would me on the real menu.
14. If you order something like this, we probably hate you
16. The horror of seeing a group of teenage girls enter the store, because you just know they’re all going to order Frappuccinos.
Run for your life, fellow baristas.
17. And then walk out with their order as if it’s a fashion accessory.
18. No, we won’t put sugar in your coffee for you.
19. But it's all worth it for the free caffeine, right?
