Summertime for most college students means coming home to be surrounded by friends and family, going on vacations and day trips, but most of all - relaxation. However some students, including myself, know what its like to sell your soul to a pool for four months out of the year. Every dedicated employee knows the 'ins' and 'outs' of the job no matter what kind of water they guard. With that said, you know you're a lifeguard when...
1. You can get ready for an eight hour shift in eight minutes flat.
Shift starts at 9:30 AM? No problem, wake up at 9:20, throw on the one piece, brush your teeth, pack leftover dinner from last night in a cooler, double check that your phone charger and book are in your backpack from the shift before, and you're ready to go with two minutes to spare. No makeup, no worries, no effort required.
2. Cleaning the filters can be life or death.
Sticking your hand in a filter and hoping for the best is all too familiar. A frog? A huge spider filled with tiny little ones? A corn snake perhaps? A handful of of dirty BAND-AIDS wrapped in hairballs and gum is the least of your worries.
3. You need to label your sunscreen.
Watch out for those sunscreen suckers, those coworkers that never have their own bottle day after day. Especially on a shift with multiple guards, label your lotion, avoid moochers!
4. You get a gnarly tan lines.
Coming home after a long day is great, until you look in the mirror to see an array of colors ranging from pasty to burnt. The guard tube is nice to lean your elbows on, but is it worth the lines across your thighs? Get used to having raccoon eyes all summer and don't forget about the crazy cut-outs on the back of one pieces that are very attractive (not).
5. You have no shame eavesdropping on conversations.
Sitting on stand for hours, of course you're going to listen in on some juicy gossip nearby. Don't be ashamed, throw on some sunglasses, turn an ear and tune in! But don't get caught smiling or giggling with them, that can get potentially awkward.
6. Crazy, unattended children are your worst nightmare.
Nothing raises your blood pressure like a wild kid running loose. Where's your parents? Do you have manners? Can't you read the pool rules? Who taught you to swim? Did you just splash me? Can you stop? Do you need help finding the exit?
7. Hitting yourself in the face with your whistle happens too often.
Swinging your lanyard around your fingers to pass time is all fun and games until your whistle, pool keys and fence padlock smack you in the head.
8. Chlorine is your new natural scent.
When your friends ask why you smell like that and you respond, "It's Eau de Chlorine". Bathing suits, towels, flipflops, hair, skin you name it - Eau de Chlorine.
9. You can smell thunderstorms from miles away.
That sweet aroma of rain approaching. You know its time to hide inside when the bottoms of leaves start to show and there is rumbling in the distance. I will gladly spend the next 30 minutes in the guard room.
10. Never being able to relax around water - ever.
Anytime, anywhere, those lifeguard senses are tingling. Think you can relax poolside somewhere off duty? As kids are jumping in on top of each other, running around the pool deck, diving in the five Ft section and having breath-holding contests? Good Luck.
