As I walk through the grocery store with my Fiancee (who also happens to be a girl) we get dirty looks, stares, whispers, and some smiles. Very rarely does someone walk by, and not look at us. This is even heightened when we show any form of affection. Why? Why are you staring at me. Why do you look at us with gawked eyes, and an open mouth (Close it. You might catch flies).
At the baseball game, I kiss her as she leaves to go grab a snack and the guy behind us goes “Do it again” with drool nearly dripping from his lips. What is wrong with you? What makes it appropriate to do that? Oh.. I forgot. I’m dating a girl. And two girls dating is sexualized so much in this world, that me simply giving my fiancee a peck on the lips is suddenly making heads turn at a baseball game. It’s rude. You’re rude.
At work, I’ll say "my fiancee" and someone will assume a man, and even after I correct them, they continue to say male pronouns.. What is the point? You don’t tell me your husbands name is Bob and I decide to call him Dale. That’s not his name, so why would I call him that? Exactly. I’m marrying a woman, not a man, and frankly, I don’t need your approval, but if you could stop pushing your heteronormative ideas on me, that’d be great.
The moment I tell someone, that I’m gay, or mention my fiancee, I get “Oh! I have lots of gay friends” and then they go into a story about why they love their gay friends so much. Or, even better they’ll say “I voted yes for gay marriage!” Or “I’m so glad you can get married now”. Number one, just because I’m gay, doesnt mean I know your gay friends, and honestly? I don’t care if I’m the 100th gay person you know, or the first, it shouldn’t change how you see me. Number two, Congrats! You voted to give me basic human rights! I’m not going to applaud you for doing the right thing. That’d be like giving you a cookie for looking both ways before crossing the street or using your blinker.
Think about this: When you look at someone, why are you starring? Most likely because they look different than you. But didn’t your mother teach you that staring is rude?
I know, it’s weird, gays in real life! They’re not just on TV or in the magazines! We’re out of our homes holding hands and we’re going to corrupt your kids!
I don’t stare at you. I don’t see you and your girlfriend kiss and gawk and then say “do it again” as if I was watching some porno in person. I don’t go off about how you’re not the first straight person I’ve met and how excited I am that you can get married. I don’t introduce you as “This is Adam, he’s straight” but for some reason, I get introduced as “This is Maddie, she’s a lesbian” or “This is Maddie, she’s marrying Cassie!”.. I just don’t understand. Why can’t I just be Maddie? Why does me being queer have to play a huge portion of my life. Why can’t I be introduced as “This is Maddie, she really likes Tacos!” Because I think Tacos are a bigger part of my life than being gay is.
My life with Cassie is not much different than yours with your other half. We argue over who does the dishes and the laundry. I get annoyed when there’s no toilet paper in the bathroom. She gets annoyed when I don’t turn my clothes right side out before putting them in the laundry. We go grocery shopping and still have to decide who’s family we spend what holidays with. We have the “Where do you wanna go to eat?” - “ I don’t know, I don’t care” - debacle every time we try to go out. We go out on dates to the movies, or mini golfing or to the baseball game.. Just like you.
Remember this: It’s not polite to stare, because you know what? It’s making me uncomfortable. By doing that, you’re reminding me how different I am. How once, I was seen as a second class citizen who didn’t deserve basic rights. Every time you mention gay marriage, (It’s been two years people. I’m excited too, but come on) or how you voted yes, I’m reminded of the many nights I spent scared that I wouldn’t ever be able to get married.. Or have kids, or have a stable job.
