My mental illness journey started at a very young age. So young that I don't even remember a time before my disorders. My home life was...unsatisfying, to say the least. I dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from my stepdad until I was about 17. My stepdad had been in my life since I was 6 months old so I really didn't do any other way of life. I was told daily that I was fat, worthless, and stupid. I started having body image problems and I began starving myself. I really didn't know that what I was dealing with wasn't normal until I started having uncontrollable, emotional fits. I would start crying for absolutely no reason. It scared me because I didn't know how to control it. My family didn't really take these problems seriously because mental illness isn't "real" to a lot of people. They still don't understand the gravity of my depression back then.
A lot of times the victims are blamed for their problems, rather than being given the help they need.
I eventually moved in with my grandparents because I was tired of having to deal with constantly being put down. I finally knew what it was like to not have to fight everyday. Things were peaceful. My mental health still wasn't in good shape, but I was finally able to get support. I sat down with my nana one day and told her that I thought I needed help. I started going to counseling and was able to tell my family how I felt and how the way they treated me affected me. I could talk about the constant sadness and suicidal thoughts without being judged. It was so liberating.
I started taking antidepressants that also helped alleviate my anxiety. After a mental breakdown and a suicide attempt, I went to a behavioral institution. After that, I actually started feeling better. After three years of mental health help, I can say that I'm doing pretty good. I have found hobbies that I didn't even know I could like. I found that life can actually turn around for you if you fight hard enough.
It was like a dark veil had been over me and it was finally taken off. I'm so grateful for how far I've come.
Getting help was really the turning point in my life. I thought that getting help for my mental illness made me weak until I realized that I couldn't save myself without it. Everyone is worthy of happiness. Sometimes you have to put your pride aside to better yourself. I understand how attractive ending your life can look when you're tired of fighting. It can get better and you can overcome your disorders. You don't have to allow your mental illness consume you. You don't have to battle your demons by yourself.
