To my younger brother,

I know you are a good person. However, the world isn’t always as good as you are. I am here in Ann Arbor, Michigan, 573 miles away from you, and you are just beginning to roam the halls of high school. I want to make sure that you are aware of the realities you may be about to face. Most importantly, I want to stop these realities from luring you into their wrongdoings.

You are kind, intelligent, and warm-hearted, but there exists a culture out there that wants to change you, cloud your judgment, question your masculinity, and turn you into a cold-hearted rapist.

Although some people may try to deny it, rape culture is real. According to a U.S. government survey, one in five women are survivors of rape or attempted rape. RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) released that 23.1% of female undergraduate students experience rape or sexual assault, yet only 3% of rapists actually spend time in jail for their crime. Aside from the facts, rape culture is blasted in front of our faces. From Brock Turner to Bill Crosby, and now Harvey Weinstein, sexual violence is a part of our daily news.

However, it is more than just rape; it is the objectification of women’s bodies, the use of degrading language, and the way in which women are forced to question their own appearances. It is how women’s bodies are portrayed as objects in everyday advertisements, crafting a false image in your head of what a woman should look like. Rape culture is the fact that women are taught how to not become victims, instead of men being taught how to not become offenders.

It is when I hear girls being labeled as “sluts” and boys being labeled as “pussies.” It is the group of boys hovering over an image of a girl, and then numbering her like she just entered a pageant competition of sexuality. The usual response to this is that boys are just being boys and that we should let them be. This is the problem. Society excuses this behavior and therefore tells you that this is how you should act, by treating women like objects in a chess game.

You are brought up to believe that hooking up with the most girls establishes your manhood, and you are shamed for expressing your emotions or showing vulnerability. You are told to “man up” when you get hurt, and you are told to “stop acting like a girl” when you get scared or complain too much. You think that you have to become stronger, bigger, and more powerful because this is what you are told masculinity requires.

This isn’t uncommon; this was how Dad, and generations before him, were also raised. However, this upbringing of masculinity through violence and numbness continues to reinforce rape culture. It suppresses your abilities to explore and feel, and pressures you into a dominance that crushes women.

By changing our perspectives and shifting our standards of masculinity, both men and women will benefit. You will not have to feel pressured to conceal your emotions or view women as a competition. Women will not have to be asked questions like “what were you wearing?” or “were you drinking?” You should not be raised under the strict requirements of dominance and violence for obtaining your masculinity, and our society should stop excusing this behavior.

It is not placing blame on one gender over another, but instead showing the faults that lie in our culture’s construction of masculinity and sexual aggression.

I am not trying to tell you that I think you are going to become a rapist because I don’t think that you are. However, you are a part of a society that leads other men to rape, and you can do something about it. You can stand up to the group of boys hovering over the image of a girl, and as a father one day, you can raise your son under the principles of respect and honor, rather than violence and domination. As your older sister, I don’t want you to have to change yourself to fit society’s standards, and I don’t want you to give in to the pressures of your manhood.

I know it isn’t easy, and this is what is wrong with our culture. However, the change can start with you. You don’t have to prove yourself; you are kind, intelligent, and warm-hearted. Don’t let rape culture consume you.

With all of my love,

Your sister