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You Won't Believe These New Year's Resolutions

If you're having trouble, these might help.

Curtis Ritter

Jan 09, 2017

Davenport, IA

You Won't Believe These New Year's Resolutions

Beria

Hey y'all, I'm Paula Dean! Just kidding. It's 2017, and if you were so caught off-guard by how quickly the new year came that you forgot to make a New Years' resolution, I'm here to help. This list is just to get you started, but by no means am I discouraging creativity. You'll find some of the classics here as well as some more innovative options to get your #NewYearNewMe goals off to a great start.

50 New Year's Resolutions For a Stellar 2017

1. Work out at least four times a week

2. No soda

3. Only spend money that you have in cash

4. Learn a new language

5. Go back to school and finish your degree

6. Take up a new hobby

7. Go back to church

8. Travel to a new country

9. Buy a house

10. Stop smoking

11. Start smoking

12. Colonize an island and require the indigenous people to refer to you as "Dad"

13. Write a screenplay

14. Donate money to charity

15. Volunteer once a week

16. Take a road trip

17. Visit your grandparents

18. Tell your parents you love them more

19. Buy more things that you know that you don't need, use them once, then store them underneath your bed

20. Prevent forest fires

21. Learn all of the words to "Ice, Ice, Baby"

22. Misquote historical figures to prove your point at least twice a week

23. Use "reply all" to send personal responses in group emails at work

24. Vlog all of your bowel movements

25. Shave your eyebrows

26. Leave your Christmas lights up all year

27. Commit more felonies

28. Rob a bank

29. Steal the Eiffel Tower

30. Recreate "National Treasure"

31. Convince all of the people in a nursing home that the rapture is happening

32. Forget all of your friends birthdays

33. Shout "DAB!" anytime someone sneezes

34. Use obsolete memes to respond in group messages

35. Set up traffic cones in an area where there is no road construction; extra points if you can get them all the way across the street

36. Demand that everyone refer to you by your rap moniker

37. Establish a rap career

38. Make a viral video

39. Adopt 2017 cats

40. Become the world's fattest man

41. Create a secret language and refuse to speak in anything but that language

42. Stay inside for a whole year

43. Get addicted to heroin

44. Start rumors about celebrities

45. Don't make any more resolutions

46. Legally change your name to Harambe

47. Bring back the meat dress

48. Anytime someone asks you to do something, respond by saying, "Speak to my agent."

49. Become a meme

50. Say "to be continued" anytime a conversation ends, you leave a room, etc.

To be continued...

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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You Won't Believe These New Year's Resolutions

If you're having trouble, these might help.

50 New Year's Resolutions For a Stellar 2017

1. Work out at least four times a week

2. No soda

3. Only spend money that you have in cash

4. Learn a new language

5. Go back to school and finish your degree

6. Take up a new hobby

7. Go back to church

8. Travel to a new country

9. Buy a house

10. Stop smoking

11. Start smoking

12. Colonize an island and require the indigenous people to refer to you as "Dad"

13. Write a screenplay

14. Donate money to charity

15. Volunteer once a week

16. Take a road trip

17. Visit your grandparents

18. Tell your parents you love them more

19. Buy more things that you know that you don't need, use them once, then store them underneath your bed

20. Prevent forest fires

21. Learn all of the words to "Ice, Ice, Baby"

22. Misquote historical figures to prove your point at least twice a week

23. Use "reply all" to send personal responses in group emails at work

24. Vlog all of your bowel movements

25. Shave your eyebrows

26. Leave your Christmas lights up all year

27. Commit more felonies

28. Rob a bank

29. Steal the Eiffel Tower

30. Recreate "National Treasure"

31. Convince all of the people in a nursing home that the rapture is happening

32. Forget all of your friends birthdays

33. Shout "DAB!" anytime someone sneezes

34. Use obsolete memes to respond in group messages

35. Set up traffic cones in an area where there is no road construction; extra points if you can get them all the way across the street

36. Demand that everyone refer to you by your rap moniker

37. Establish a rap career

38. Make a viral video

39. Adopt 2017 cats

40. Become the world's fattest man

41. Create a secret language and refuse to speak in anything but that language

42. Stay inside for a whole year

43. Get addicted to heroin

44. Start rumors about celebrities

45. Don't make any more resolutions

46. Legally change your name to Harambe

47. Bring back the meat dress

48. Anytime someone asks you to do something, respond by saying, "Speak to my agent."

49. Become a meme

50. Say "to be continued" anytime a conversation ends, you leave a room, etc.

To be continued...

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

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