“You got fat”
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“You got fat”

your worth is not defined by your size

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“You got fat”

The day finally came where I was told the one thing nobody usually wants to hear by someone other than themselves.

I got out of the shower to find a message from someone I haven't spoken to in years. It was a response to a selfie I took earlier that day when I felt some semblance of the pretty girl I thought that I "used to be". I spent so long on my makeup just to make myself feel better.

"You got fat". Those words were a response to a picture I felt pretty in. They were 3 small words, but they seemed to take up the entirety of my screen.

I knew this day would come, but I'd at least hoped for it to come in the words people kept amongst themselves. I never imagined it to be directly sent to me.

For the past year and a half, I have struggled with my self image. I went from a tiny little five-foot-two 125 pound person to being 160 pounds. It may not seem like a lot, but my short stature doesn't carry weight in the most flattering way. Every time I have gone to the doctor lately and saw "160" listed on the scale when I stepped upon it, a part of me just knew that the nurse standing next to me saw the blood drain from my face and my heart drop to my stomach.

I had never been as self conscious as I have been this past year and a half. I had to buy new clothes, because the ones I let hang in my closet couldn't even go past my thigh. I watched my small, sculpted face morph into one that remains round and lacking shape. I have noticed. I didn't need anyone to remind me.

When I opened that message, my heart sank. I sat there in silence and listened to myself breathe. I just sat in silence. I hoped nobody had noticed how much weight I had gained, but I knew everyone did.

I went from a size 4 to size 10-12. I cancelled going places because all of the cute clothes I kept in my closet no longer fit. I stayed inside. I went weeks without seeing the familiar faces of friends. And now, someone told me what they saw. And it hurt.

But I quickly realized something as I pondered the words that boy said to me.

This body is only the shell that surrounds the person that I am. This past year and a half, I should be so proud of the person I've become.

This body has carried me through very difficult times. This body has fought off illness. This body has embraced friends and family. This body has carried me through two intense semesters of nursing school thus far. This body has carried the person who decided to continue a career in helping and assisting others. This body has carried me to the bedsides of super ill patients who needed my comfort and assistance. Those patients who told me they love me, that I am doing amazing and that they would miss my company and care when I left the hospital.

This body encases a person who cares so much about others. It encases a person who thoroughly loves life. It encases someone who loves animals and stops every. single. time. that she sees a turtle trying to cross the road and absolutely HAS to turn around and save it. This body encases a friend. A friend who will go to the ends of the earth to let her friends know that they are loved. This body encases a sister, daughter, granddaughter and cousin. A woman who loves her family more than anything. This body encases a person whose eyes light up when she sees the girls she nannies, and loves them as her own. This body has carried me throughout my 21 years. It has been through many experiences and has carried me to amazing places.

So, to that boy who said "You got fat", if you were to ever come to the hospital that I work one day, I will still treat you as a person. I'll still radiate my caring personality and I'll still be just as capable as the next nurse to comfort and treat you, even if I'm no longer a size 4. Because I believe in forgiveness and treating every person as a person.

My worth is not defined by what size I wear. I have accomplished many things. I have wonderful friends and family whom I love with every ounce of my being; and I believe that is far more exceptional and important than the pounds I have gained. I am capable of so much and so is every single person I know, regardless of size.

I hope you realize how resilient I am. In spite of your words, I will continue to flourish and gracefully endure words like yours. I will promise myself that I will never lose sight of the worthy being that I am. I hope you know that there is a lot more to me than my size.


Oh, and please, stop using the word "fat" as an insult. It’s 2021.

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