Recently, I have been missing a certain person who was only in my life for a short time.
Even though I had made so many good memories with this person in such a short time, I had to cut them off entirely for numerous reasons.
I just couldn't handle the way they started treating me. It was as if one day I was their favorite person, and by the next day, I didn't even exist.
I used to blame myself for it and try to be different, but I noticed a pattern repeating itself from some of my old friendships/relationships.
This person was a covert narcissist. They did everything in their power to rip me to shreds, and then they played victim by making it seem like I was the problem.
I cut them off with no warning or explanation about three months ago. I thought things would start to get better immediately after.
I was wrong.
Even though I was at peace knowing they couldn't contact me anymore, something was missing.
I was missing...them.
I didn't understand. If they treated me so horribly by abusing me mentally and even physically, why do I long for them? Shouldn't I hate them?
However, recently I came across a Facebook post that made my entire experience make sense.
When you find yourself "missing" a toxic person, you don't actually miss them. You're experiencing nostalgia.
The reason I longed to have this person back knowing how horrible they were to me was that we had so many good memories together. I was ready to let go of the person, but not the memories.
I was going through a lot of stress when I met them, and they were always down to hang out. We would spend hours upon hours together, and it felt like two seconds. Sometimes we would even spend the entire day together and make plans to get together the next day!
They gave me a glimpse of happiness amidst all of the stressors in my life.
I got to experience new things, go to new places, try new foods and get to know someone who I seemed to have a strong connection with.
Yes, they were horrible, but not all the time. I missed all the good times we had together, but I have to remind myself that the bad outweighed the good.
It's normal to feel nostalgic when reflecting on old relationships, even if they were harmful. It's okay to "miss" them, but no matter what, do not bring them back into your life.
You deserve so much better.
