Yes I’m single for Valentine’s Day and no I don’t care for the sympathy. I don’t think being single on a day such as this isn’t so bad. I mean it could be worse. My problem is the fact that I have to sit through the moping and complaining of people who can’t live with the fact of being alone.
I’m not one to complain I know, but this mushy lovey doves crap is annoying. With the candle lit dinners and the huge amounts of candy grams and chocolates with the sounds of horned up adults having sex in the apartments above and aside from me. I could admit in the moments of love, one would love to spend Valentine’s with their partners. But please do me and every other single person a favor and not rub it in our face. I get it, I’m lonely and I might die alone and miserable but damn, let me eat your leftover chocolates in peace while I cry myself to sleep.
But I think enough is enough! I’ve had it with being sad for being single! Sometimes being single could be a good thing, people can benefit from it. I guess? Anyways, here’s some reasons why I think being single is pretty cool and totally not sad and doesn’t make me think about my existential crisis and crippling depression.
1. You Can Get Fat
I mean come on, there’s no one to get all sexy and slim for. Pig out! Grab that pizza and stuff your filthy face. Don’t gotta have someone tell you what you can’t eat or do. Feast in your array of sweets and treats! Besides, a little chubby never hurt nobody!
2. You Don't Have Look Good
Since you’re single you don’t have to look nice for anyone. No clean cut haircuts, no suave cologne or pretty hairdos with high fashioned makeup. Get comfy, put on your sweats and pj’s and watch some Netflix. Treat yo self!
3. You Can Shit with The Door Open
Best part about singlehood, be free my friends. No judgement and no complaints. Don’t even need the explanation. Just be free, be free my friends.I mean I don't necessarily do this due to me living in a dorm hall and all but if I didn't, I would.I mean why not? You're home alone
4. You Can Sleep with Enough Bedspace / Blankets
Lastly, no more do you have to suffer of having your partner take up all the freakin' room on the bed! Having to figure out how the hell to Tetris yourselves just to fit in. Or having to share your blanket and get possibly cold because both of you want to hog the fabric sheet of warmths. So go from this:
To this:
See? Being single isn't so bad. It has it's quirks, so enjoy yourselves. Screw those in your face lovers and be a lone wolf. I believe in you, just don't cry okay? I believe in you all.
