Since the day I was born, I've had a severe issue called onchophagia, or more commonly known as a "nail-biter", a form of OCD and a crippling flaw that I've learned to live with over time.

I remember being in 1st grade and just beginning to pick at my fingers, not even realizing I was doing it. I'll spare you the gross details about the habit, but instead, I'll talk about how it is now.

In High School, I always wanted to be like the other girls and have long, colorful nails that I could tap on everything and not have to hide from everyone. I discovered that putting acrylic nails over my tiny stubs would prevent me from biting them, plus, they were prettier. I did that for a while, but as I got older and had to rely on my own money, I couldn't afford to continue to fill my acrylics every other week and the habit just started back up again.

I forget about it every now & then, but every-time someone even GLANCES at my hands, my instinct is to flip my fingers in a direction they won't be able to see the mess I created. My parents have even yelled at me from a young age, but my mom has severe anxiety as well, so she knows it's not any easy fix. We tried solutions on every corner, but none of them were able to fix something that I managed to do in my sleep.

Whenever I go to get my nails done, the technicians make SURE to make it very clear that what I am doing is wrong. They state that it is obvious I bite my nails and I've gotten the routine of telling them yes, down to a T. It's tiring explaining myself everytime, but I'm sure they get tired of doing the nails of people who don't really take care of them.

Now, I am in college and it doesn't REALLY affect my life besides still wishing I could have beautiful nails that I could show off. I think the worst parts are having to explain what is wrong with me, to everyone who asks and then seeing their reactions as I show them. My boyfriend also brings it up a lot, and I know he purely wants to help but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing he notices them on a daily basis. He suggests solutions I can try, and I explain over & over that I've tried everything in the book.

Besides all of the negatives of my actual appearance, seeing someone bite their nails in public is looked down upon. By my managers, my parents, my teachers. It's a nasty habit, putting something that touches everything right into your mouth can get you severely sick. I constantly have colds, mini flu viruses and other things that put a toll on my life. I carry hand sanitizer for good measure, but it probably doesn't help the large influx of germs entering me from my mouth. My manager will have talks with me about biting my nails in front of customers, because nobody wants to be around that...

I hope in the future I can be able to leave this nasty habit in the past, but as of right now, fake nails are a good option to feel like I am fitting in more. They'll never look as good as the other girls nails, due to my actual fingers becoming red and puffy from the extreme damages surrounding them, but it's a good start at least.