Have you ever been up at 2 am looking for a new book? Not just any book though, a book you can relate to, identify with. Not a book of romance, or fantasy, or symbolism or metaphors. A book that speaks directly about an issue, maybe from a bird’s eye view, maybe from a victim’s view, or maybe from the view of someone who is trying to help. I’m talking about a book that deals with mental illness, chronic illness, illness’ society wants to brush under the rug.

Maybe you’ve come across this book and looked over it, or maybe your looked a little into this amazing book but didn’t go and read it. If you did either of those, I urge you to reconsider, because Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz deals with trauma, alcoholism, depression, anxiety, isolation, abuse, regret, and repressing painful memories.

Zach is an 18-year-old, he doesn’t like remembering, and his has some of this own pretty unique theories on things like religion, God, life, therapy, and words. He’s smart, and that’s important to remember. People might hear his story, and think he was a high school drop-out who wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything in his life. Zach has this plan, this plan to get straight A’s, go to college and be a somebody.

Only, Zach has a pretty messed up head, he ‘wigs out’ often, and his family isn’t much better. Sometimes, I identify with Zach myself, but not every aspect. It’s the loneliness, the sadness, the want and need to be isolated, the second guessing of being told I am good; it’s the not wanting to be awake to the world that I can identify with Zach. But sometimes, I think of how I feel and I say to myself “I can push my way to the top today!” Most of the times, I can’t. But every once and a while, once or twice a year I do get to the top. Sometimes I tell that to myself knowing it’s a blatant lie to myself, and to the others around me.

Unlike Zach, however, I’m not an 18-year-old in a rehab facility trying to get my life together, find myself the constant storm that goes on in my head, and remember how I got to said facility. Zach spent a long time trying to convince himself he didn’t need to be there, he didn’t want to remember, that he was fine. But he wasn’t, and everyone could see this small fact. He also wants a dog, not a therapist.

If a book ever got the mind of an ill person, an addict, an unsure person, Last Night I Sang to the Monster hits the dot. Every ill person, every addict has a monster, even if they can’t see their monster. Zach knows he has a monster; he runs away from his monster in his dreams, but he’s never met his monster. Raphael, Zach’s roommate, he paints his monster. Raphael is much older but Zach say’s he lives on Earth in a young way.

If you do live with an illness, or an addiction of any kind, this book is helpful. No, it doesn’t give you hints on how to live better, but it gives hope that life gets better if you work hard. However, if you don’t battle your own mind on a daily, this book can be a viewpoint, a gate, or an eye opener on how the people who do battle their mind live and survive.

I am in Charge

my depressive slumps are in charge

my anxiety is in charge

my uncertainty is in charge

my fear is in charge