Every ex I've encountered accused me of being a feminist at some point. Sure, it's a small sample size, but it's a trend. "Accused" because it was never said adoringly or with any sense of pride. At least I didn't take it that way. This is why the notion that anyone (lover, friend, relative, or otherwise) would dote on my advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes, just doesn't seem like a thing. "I can't wait for you to meet her mom. She's confident, witty, beautiful... but that feminism though."
It's less important to keep count of how many times I've been labeled a feminist, rather than how vehemently I've fought against the title. First, I’ll be very clear, my denial of a feminist branding isn't at all to do with pandering to men or surrendering to male chauvinism, but almost wholly attributed to my contrarian instincts. To illustrate this, I’ll share one of my eight childhood memories.
In kindergarten, we were all asked to act like we were playing instruments - think air guitar. Understand, I didn't play an instrument, neither was I raised around them. Yet, my first idea was to simulate a harp. I was so proud, probably too proud, of my exceptional choice of air instrument. My immense pride was only matched by my bite-sized fury when the teacher mischaracterized it as a wrong-ways guitar.
I love being a rare bird, and being a feminist is anything but. Feminists are a dime a dozen, because all feminism seems to require is a belief in the equality of the sexes. That’s the best we can do, mankind? Belief in gender equality is table stakes. Sure, I'll check my privilege, but allow me to flesh this out while we’re here. Because it occurs to me that a sense of politics doesn't make you a politician. Just like taking a philosophy class won't make you a philosopher. I think it's more than fair to say that believing in feminism doesn't make you a feminist. You have to earn the "ist".
If you're an advocate, but take no actions or make no sacrifices to push the movement forward, you don't deserve the ist. In my expanded universe, feminists work in women's health. They educate women. True feminists are good friends to women and they are mentors to young women. Maybe they're the moms who have ongoing conversations with their sons and daughters about consent. Feminists are more likely to know their grandmothers not just as their mother's mother, but as individuals. Surely feminism happens outside of well-meaning Facebook posts. Because of all this, I don't deserve to be called a feminist. I haven't earned it, yet.
I've decided to use the Edison Method for my 2018 goals – speaking them aloud, so that I may be held accountable. Last month, I signed up to donate bone marrow with Be The Match. I hope one day I'll save a woman's life. Last week, I signed up to become an Odyssey Peer Mentor. I pray a young woman can learn from my mistakes. Today, I called my grandma. It was her 72nd birthday. And this year, I am dedicated to becoming a feminist.
