You've Been Gone A Year, And That's A Year Too Long

You've Been Gone A Year, And That's A Year Too Long

A year ago, you went away.


It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that you've been gone for a year. The whole thing just seems surreal. 365 days without you.

I think I'm still in denial. I still want to pick up the phone and call you. I want to drive over to your house and run in your front door. I want to hold your hand and never let go. I want you here.

All the emotions I felt after you died are back again. I can't control them at this point. My heart is sad without you and my brain can't try to trick or comfort it.

I miss you. I miss you every day.

My mind is so consumed at this point, trying to make sense of how it's been an entire year since I saw you. My person. You forever impacted my life in ways that I will never be able to express.

I just wish I could tell you tell you how much you meant to me. Tell you that you made this world a better place because you did.

It's not the same without you here, It just feels empty.

I try to think to myself be strong, don't cry, they wouldn't want you to cry.

But it's no use because the only emotion I feel is sadness. I feel like I'm grieving all over again.

Watching you slip away from me was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To know that no matter what I did, it was going to happen. You were going to leave me.

I know you didn't want to go. You would've done anything to stay here.

Life isn't fair.

I just want to look into your eyes again. I'd do anything just to look at your face again. I would study every detail of it so I'd never forget.

I won't ever forget you, I can't.

But my memory of you is starting to fade. I go crazy somedays because I just want to replay your voice in my head, and I can't. It sounds like you, but I know it's not you. Of course, I know what your voice sounded like, I could've picked it out of a stadium of crowded people. But I'm scared that I'll get to the point where I won't be able to hear it anymore.

Know I love you, and I miss you. I think about you every day, not just on the anniversary since you left.

I wish I could say it to you. I wish I could scream it to you. I wish you knew.

I love you.

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You May Have Worn The Prom Dress With Him, But I Get To Wear The Wedding Dress

You had him in high school, but I get him for the rest of my life.

High school seems like the best time of your life when you are in it. You think that all of your friends will be with you until the end, and that you will end up with whoever you are dating your senior year. For very few, that might just be the case. For all others, that is far from true.

You thought that you would marry your boyfriend and you thought that everything would work out how you had always imagined. I don't blame you though. He's great. You wanted everything with him, but you were just not right for him.

I wish I could say that I am sorry it didn't work out for you, but I can't. I can't because he is mine now, and I get to cherish him forever. You didn't do that right, and you were not meant to be together. You will find someone too, but I am happy that you were not the one for him.

Sometimes I have issues with jealousy, and I hate that you got all of the high school stuff with him. You got to go to games and support him. It kills me that I couldn't be there for him because I know I would have actually been there wholeheartedly. I would have done it out of love, not as a popularity appearance.

I hate that you got to go to all of the school dances with him. He got to see you all dressed up and probably told you how great you looked. I'm sure you did look great. Prom dresses were always fun to pick out and so colorful. It was exciting to match colors with your date. I am sure you had fun choosing his matching tux to your dress.

I find myself getting jealous, but then I stop. I am getting to match his tux with our wedding colors. I got to go dress shopping in a sea of white, and he doesn't get to know one detail about that dress yet. He will get to see me walk down the aisle and then every day forever. I get to love him forever.

I try to not get jealous of all of the things you got with him because it is all in the past. You had your time, and now I get the wedding. You got to dress up in high school, but I get to dress up for my wedding with him. He may have put a corsage on your wrist, but he will be putting the wedding ring on my finger.

Cover Image Credit: Jessy Scott

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I Expected It To Have It All Together By 22 And I'm Still Far From That

What we expected and what reality actually is, are two completely different things...


Oh our 20s, how we expected them to be so different. We expected to graduate college at 22, have a career by 23, be engaged by 24, married with a house by 25, kids by 26-28, vacationing with the family by 30, and retired by 60. We expected college to be parties and cute boys/girls. Instead, we got late nights of studying and crying after a job that barely pays for our car, food, dorm, and textbooks. We get no social life and if we do our grades suffer for it.

Our 20s were expected to be all fun but all we got were struggles and stress. I mean I don't know about you but I expected, to have it all together and I'm nearly 23 and far from it. I had all the scholarships and great grades, and I still don't have any type of degree.

Reality hits after 18. Most of us don't have the help of mom and dad anymore. We have to find our way and make a path for ourselves. Sometimes our dreams and goals have to be put on hold for that. The 20s isn't fun. It's about discovering who you are, who you want to be, and where you want to go. Some of us serve our country, some become incarcerated, some of us parents, some teachers, others cops, others travel or study abroad, some dead, some ill, other managers, others homeless, some still living home, and some even addicts.

The weird thing about your 20s is everyone is doing something different, but yet everyone is confused and comparing themselves to others. People feel if they're not doing what others are doing, in their age group then they have failed themselves. What people forget is that with life comes obstacles and sacrifice and everyone's life and situations are different. You are where you need to be right now, for you, and I think that's something to remember in your 20s.

Another thing about your 20's is you're free to think for yourself now. No more having to follow a religion you dislike or hold back from things you love. The world is literally yours to discover and learn from. Possibilities are endless! I think your 20's are the years you create yourself to the best version of you and build the foundation for your future. Just remember, we all build at our own pace.


The lost 22-year old that believes in you

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