You have become my arch nemesis. I sit here at my laptop and your shapes and symbols mock me. They are only a few inches from me, but feel oh so far away. You once were my friend, but now I feel like you have infested my mind and have filled me with some sort of sick disease. You sicken me.

I really don’t like you right now. I feel like you are a spouse of mine that has left a sink full of dirty dishes for the third time this week.

Have you forgotten about all the good times we have had? All the tears we have cried together? All the laughs we have shared? All the times I spilled hot coffee on you while you lay on the cream matte in my hands…does all this mean nothing?

You have betrayed me for the last time. I never want to come back to you. The self hatred and hurt you have caused me is no longer necessary. I no longer need the abuse that I find in you. We are through.

But, I can’t actually make myself leave. All of the good you have brought me is much greater than the hurt. The momentary pain I find with you is much less than the long lasting joy you bring me. This relationship is not one sided like I sometimes feel. We work well together. I love you.

This love will never fade even though some days it feels like I want to wipe it from my memory completely. This is not an abusive relationship we have, it is a real relationship.

Let’s start working together again please.

I hate when we fight like this.

I am happy we figured this out.

I have a paper to write.