I'm a Christian. Over the past two years, I have struggled quite a bit with my faith. I haven't gone to church, except maybe twice (I used to go almost every Sunday), I wasn't praying unless it was me begging God to do something for me, I haven't shared my faith freely with anyone, I have sinned -- oh have I sinned, and I have really felt the conviction that I needed to do better with my life, be better for God.

People always say that you know when God is speaking to you; I never believed this because I never felt like He was talking to me. I was a decent kid with her fair share of mistakes, but nothing I ever did I thought was "too bad." I never really felt God speaking to me, and if He was trying to, I wasn't listening. How do you get through to someone who doesn't listen to you when you know they need to? I don't know the answer to this question, but God sure does.

At the beginning of my junior year at OSU, I had started having friends asking me to go to church. I remember my friend's mom, Tammy, asking me if I had found a church here to go to, and of course I told her how I planned to go, but I knew I probably wouldn't. She said I could go with her daughter on Sunday nights, but I never even talked to her about it. This was strike one.

Later on, I had some friends from junior college that told me I could go to church with them on Sunday mornings, but once again, I had an excuse. Sunday mornings, that's just too early -- strike two.

My friend Stephanie later told me that I was welcome to go to church with her to a different church on Sunday mornings too. Guess what? I still didn't go. STRIKE THREE.

When it comes to softball, it's three strikes and you're out, but when it comes to God, strike three must be when you get your wake up call. Boy did my wakeup call wake me up.

I played softball for two years at a junior college, and it has been a part of my life since I was old enough to even throw a ball. So transferring to another school and not playing any more was taking a toll on me, especially because my job at OSU kept me around softball. I was one of the softball managers for the OSU softball team.

The first scrimmage broke my heart. It physically hurt. I remember before the game started, I cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes but had to suck it up because I had a job to do. That night I started emailing coaches.

I knew I still had it in me, and I wanted to get back on the field. I remember emailing three coaches specifically, but in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn't going to get a reply from any of them. Or so I thought...one Sunday night, I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't get my eyes to close and my mind to rest. I decided to start cleaning up my emails -- deleting and sorting junk mail because I had nothing better to do. I use Yahoo mail for most things, but for some reason, I had the feeling to check my Apple email account.

I was scrolling and deleted all the mass emails from iTunes and all the coupons I'm too broke to use, but then I stopped. There was a name there, a real person's name. So I opened the email, and what do you know? I had gotten a reply asking if I was interested in transferring at semester to Oklahoma Baptist University to play again. Here's the kicker, OBU is a Baptist school, and you're required to go to chapel (church). I couldn't excuse my way out of it this one.

I definitely couldn't sleep at that point. It was 2 a.m., but the first thing I did was tell my mom, and believe it or not, she was actually awake. It was the most exciting email I had ever gotten, by far. I immediately responded YES.

What was I getting in to? I hadn't swung a bat since early May, and even longer since I had actually played on the field. After a long phone call with Coach Fink, I had a try out date set up for a week from that phone call. I took a few ground balls one time and hit in the cages twice. That's it. There was no way I was prepared for this try out, but it was my last shot, so I was giving it all I had and God was giving me every tool I needed to be successful at this tryout.

Upon arrival, my heart was racing; I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't put my cleats on since MAY. What was I thinking? When I walked into the office, I felt a wave of peace just wash over me; something felt right. I felt comfortable and at ease talking to the coaches. I felt like I belonged there and I hadn't even stepped on the field yet.

After talking for a few minutes, we went out to the field, and they played catch with me and got me ready to play. If I could get through the fielding half, I knew everything was going to be fine. I was most nervous about fielding because I had practiced once with my friend rolling balls to me, not getting balls hit off the bat. God must have known how bad I wanted this because it was like I had never stopped playing. I didn't miss a beat. While yes, I was a little out of shape and got tired pretty quick, I felt good.

Things were getting even better. If you know softball, then you know a hitter's bat is her baby. I had never known anyone that used Easton bats other than myself with the exception of a handful, but I had always used an Easton Stealth. So when one of the coaches brought out a new Easton bat for me to try, my heart was smiling; things couldn't possibly be better. But they did. Not to brag, but my hitting was good -- I still had it and I was just plain giddy.

We went inside to talk about the more complicated side of transferring, and when you want to play in college, you've got to be registered with the NCAA Clearinghouse. When I was a junior in high school, I had made an account but never paid the $80 fee that comes with registering. Why pay that much money unless you know for sure you're going somewhere, right? After I graduated, I ended up playing at a junior college so paying for the clearinghouse registration wasn't necessary, so I never did it.

Coach Fink asked me if I had registered, and I told her just what I told you. She went ahead and pulled my name up anyway just to look, and this is where things get weird. My $80 fee had been waived! My mind was blown. I hadn't looked at this account since 2014, but in September of 2017, my fee had been waived and I had no idea. I have no clue how it got paid, but things just felt so right there and I felt like all the odds were in my favor - -which NEVER happens especially when it comes to sports it seems.

Everything just felt so right; this had to be a God thing. I called my mom in tears because it felt so amazing to feel God's love and to feel Him calling me, to finally feel like I was wanted, that I belonged. I had never felt anything stir my heart like this did. God used what I love to open my eyes, and it is working. Something was finally going my way and it felt absolutely amazing.

Dear Lord, please help me end this story how I'd like to. Please let your will be done regardless of the outcome because I know its what is best for me. But God, I want this so bad. Thank you for even allowing me the opportunity. Lord just let it be what it needs to be. Thank you so much for never leaving my side even though I know I have drifted from yours time to time. I'm listening. Amen.

You see that prayer above? I wrote this article before I had an ending to finish it with. I left off with that prayer because I was trusting in God to help me make the right choice and for Him to provide an opportunity for me to live for Him while allowing me to do what I love. I was finally listening. I got a phone call from Coach with an offer, and I am now transferring to Oklahoma Baptist University this Spring to lace up my cleats for another season, and without God, this would not be possible.

My heart is so full, and I am so in awe with God's power right now. I no longer have to question if God is speaking to me or not, I know He is. And I can hear Him loud and clear and will never question His love for me. I give all the glory to God and will do my best to live my life for Him and give this chance everything I have.

God, I am listening.