One of the most powerful Gifts that God gave to women is the ability to nurture and connect on an intimate and emotional level. Now to any guys who might be reading this I am not saying that God did not give that to you too because He did. I am just taking this article to address my sisters on a topic that can so easily get brushed under the rug, and so cause effects so deeply it can effect generational relationships.
Comparison. If we are not careful, it can become like second nature to compare oneself to the woman across the room. To be looking at someone across the room, who's story, and scars, you'll never know and think "If only I were…[insert comparison here]." it is heartbreaking, how we can often look at another person and see the glory of their story; but not the story of their story. To see another woman thriving in life, and rather be inspired become intimidated, and if you're not careful; bitter.
Why don't we hold hands with our sister in their victories, and celebrate in their successes?
True and Godly sisterhoods are established when individuals can enjoy themselves in the company of each other without comparing themselves to one another. "That girl" over there was given a gift to attain a calling that God has ordained for her to pursue. And guess what? God has given YOU a gift and a calling that He has designed specifically for such a time as this. He has even detailed your creation PURPOSE down to the deepest most intricate parts of your DNA, pouring into your heart and your spirit the seeds of potential yet to come; but only if you choose to see and pursue it. The question is: are you pursuing it, or comparing it?
Think about how a sunflower grows when given continuous exposure to sunlight and water. If someone were to put that same sunflower in a dark room and deprive it of water, would it flourish like it did when given the correct care? Absolutely not. It would in fact, wither up and eventually die. So why is it that we as women sometimes refuse to give ourselves the care and love necessary in order to establish a healthy mindset, confidence, and security in the Lord? The answer can be as simple as not knowing how to be confident; maybe you were never given an example, you have heard too much negativity spoken over yourself, and you have a hard time connecting with individuals who you **feel** are confident as a result.
It's constantly like a bad voice in your head saying "you're not like them, you'll never be able to attain what they have. They are just 'perfect' " when in reality those are some seriously ugly lies from the enemy himself, who comes to kill steal and destroy. He wants to kill your spirit, steal your joy, and destroy your relationships with people, and ULTIMATELY God. You what to know how he does that? Through comparison. Through coveting. Through planting seeds of insecurity into the mind that God created for you utilize so that you may glorifying Him, spirit, soul, mind, and body.
The enemy tries to get you to see someone else's life from surface level lenses, ignorant of the struggles and plants the fear in your heart that demands you be intimidated instead of inspired. Here's the deal sis, INSPIRATION will take you farther in life than comparison ever will. I cannot think of one single time in my life where I wallowed in my self-pity for a hot second, and actually felt better about myself or my circumstance. In fact, one time in the past I actually remember praying and asking God to make me like this female role model I absolutely adored, and I remember so clearly He saying to me "you have no idea what I have asked her to walk through" and it struck me. From that point forward, I asked God to clear my heart of comparison that could lead to coveting, because for one it is not honoring to God, and two, nothing productive comes from it.
You have no idea what that other woman has walked through, and often times us as women don't even stop to think about it. We see only surface level because that's all we choose to see. What happens when we start looking at the STORY of a sisters story, instead of just the GLORY of her story? For example, Queen Esther in the Bible is proclaimed to be a beautiful and powerful female figure in as God used her to speak on behalf of an entire race and have them saved from genocide. I am sure that as she was preparing to be the wife of the King of Persia, women looked at her and scoffed. Even as queen, the quiet judgment of those she came across, however, she does not speak of her struggle until the end of the story where she begs the King of Persia to spare the life of her people.
Why do we judge our sisters so quickly before even knowing the story of their story? You may see the Glory, but what about the scars who made those women that strong? It is not confidence, but frustration that built when questioning the way God chose to make His creation. If we are not careful, we will compare ourselves to the surface level impression of others, and cut out the human factor as we are too busy being caught up in a frustrated fantasy of what their life must be like. We think and say things like "oh she must just turn heads everywhere she goes" or "she probably had a perfect life growing up" "Well the only reason she acts happy is because she has never been through anything"... wow. First of all, life happens. So are you becoming bitter through your circumstance, or choosing to become better?
Ladies, God has given us each other intended for beautiful, powerful community. That girl you cannot stop comparing yourself to has more than likely walked through valley's you could never imagine, as you have also encountered hardship, be it internal or external. The bottom line it is it time to stop seeing that girl as your competition; as your fellow human being. Are you the kind of girl who refuses to celebrate another woman's confidence, silently wishing you would surpass her? Or are you too busy joining hands with another woman and celebrating her victory's as you also pursue your own?