When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, you probably won't see her for another four to five hours. Once she enters the doors of that heavenly building, know that her statement "I'll be out in 15 minutes" is history. You should always have a back-up reason to not join her on this endeavor. She will probably notice the "NEW!" Fall decorations displayed in the front, and want a cart. When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she does not plan on spending hundreds of dollars like she explains in the car, but in reality she has put aside money for just in case. After she grabs her cart, she goes to "take a peek" at the Fall decor. After spending half an hour looking at different shapes of pumpkins and scarecrow signs she notices that your home Fall decor is outdated and needs some lovin'. She will put about 10 things in her cart before realizing she only needs 3 of those things. When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she will notice that the Christmas decorations are showcased early this year. She will also go to those display shelves to "just look." She will think to herself, "I know December is still four months away, but might as well get it if it's on sale now right?" About an hour later, your woman is ready to move on to the next black hole of decorations. She will think that so many decorations are adorable, but definitely not necessary for your home. When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she will want to re-decorate the entire house including every single room. She will design new rooms in her head, and search for the perfect accents around the store. She will notice the cute Laundry signs hanging in the middle of the store, and put one in her cart. She will remember that the color scheme isn't quite the same as what you have now, but she won't care. She will add more decorations to her cart for the laundry room and just ask you to paint later. When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she will notice they have decorations for men and want to "treat" you with your own money. She will find "man cave" signs for your non-existent man cave at home and tell you that you should make one. She will find new picture frames without the glass in them and want them all over the house because that is the "New Fad." She will find that there are a bunch of scrap-booking crafts and she will pick that up as her new hobby for a week. She will find baby room decorations, buy them, and then continue to tell you she isn't pregnant, she is just planning ahead because it was on sale. She will buy a rustic globe, but have nowhere to put the damn globe. When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she will pick out new plates and cups because the ones you got from Target are just not that cute. She will pick out new mirrors for your teenager daughters room, and return them the next week because your daughter is a teenager and changes her mind every other Tuesday. She will also find gifts for your mom, her best friend, the dog, her old classmate that was obsessed with Pineapples, and herself because "Treat Yo Self." is now and always will be an excuse. She will collect more clutter for your house without getting rid of old clutter. She will ask the employees for advice on the things she has in her cart, and second-guess her almost-purchases. She will think she is going to start quilting, until she realizes how much work goes into quilting. She will believe that you really do need that miss-shaped pumpkin for the front lawn because Janice down the street has one, and it looks adorable out there.
When your woman goes to Hobby Lobby, she will blow all of your money in the span of four hours. Sorry.
