As college students, we look for any form of trivial entertainment that requires minimal financial output. One of those is fighting games and of those, "Smash Bros." is one of the most popular. "Super Smash Bros." is Nintendo's play on fighting games where you pick from a huge selection of characters that derive from different games developed by Nintendo and fight to knock the other players off the stage. But, "Smash" is competitive, therefore, you really don't want to play with someone you have a meaningful relationship with. Here are six reasons why.
1. The bad controller.
OK, everybody prefers to play "Smash" with Gamecube controllers. They really just feel the best. But, since the GameCube is from a few generations ago, they are in short supply. People that have a collection always have that one with a loose stick, missing buttons, bite marks, and a weird smell. You'll get stuck with that one every time. You'll blame the controller but no one will believe you and you'll suffer in silence.
2. That stage.
"Smash Bros." has a wide variety of stages with plenty of dangers and obstacles. Your best friend's favorite stage is that one. The one with a giant monster that wants to eat you. It's the one with random explosions. It's the one that kills you more than your opponent. They'll pick it every time and every time you'll be washed away by the waterfall at the last possible second.
3. Your favorite character is their favorite character.
Everybody has a favorite character. That character you pull out when things need to get done. Sure, you've been fooling around with Dr. Mario, but once you pull out Ike it's over. Unfortunately, your best friend is also pulling a heavy Ike game. Now, you're going to be fighting an image of yourself for the next couple of fights. Fighting the character you're playing as is quite a boring ordeal and it sparks even more of a reason to grow a distaste for that friend of yours.
4. Taunts.
Just as the title describes, taunts are designed to taunt your opponent. They don't have any use. They (sometimes) don't deal damage, they don't provide a tactical advantage, they actually leave you incredibly open! Taunts are there solely to ruin the ego of your opponent. Say your friend knocks you incredibly far off stage. You're in a desperate struggle to make it back, you're so close, but right before you grab the edge, Luigi starts rocking back and forth of the floor like a dolphin. In this display of magnificent motor skills, you miss the edge and fall to your death. In turn, Luigi repeats his actions.
5. The pause.
The professional fighting game world today is filled with rules. One of them is, an accidental pause screen is a DQ. In the normal world, a pause screen is a major inconvenience. The fight is heated; explosions, grabs, recoveries, wombo combos, pure intensity. It builds and builds but then - freeze - Player 1 has a text message. Now, you're waiting and completely pulled from the emotion, slowing panning across the battlefield.
6. Meteor smashes.
OK, meteor smashes are the biggest disgrace you can give your opponent. As you try to make it back to the stage after being blasted 50 feet away, your friend leaps into the air. Right before you can grab the edge, two feet come smashing down on top of your head, sending you hurtling into the abyss. This kind of attack also comes with a signature sound that just rings in your ears as your character is disgraced in front of the whole room.
So, to conclude, if you plan to grow a long meaningful friendship with another human being, you probably shouldn't play "Smash" with them. It could end in anger, frustration, and probably a meteor smash.
