Deny it all you want, but the truth of the matter is everyone wants love. We all want that special someone to give us their jacket when it’s cold or to hold our hand during a scary movie. From the college campus that we walk on every day to the television shows we see at night, desirable relationships can be seen everywhere we go. And for those that are single, it is nearly impossible not to envy them. You can’t help but wish that you had that special someone who you can be yourself around, hold hands with and simply laugh with. You start to search around for future candidates for that position, keeping your eyes open for “the one,” and your daily activities are now focused on finding them. But here’s the thing—if you truly want the love that you deserve, you have to stop looking for it.

The truth is that when you are looking for someone, you are settling for less. Not only less of someone else, but less for yourself as well. Everything you do tends to be geared towards impressing someone to be your boyfriend. You wear clothes you think will get guys’ attention and do things you wouldn’t normally do to impress others. When you go out to parties, you have the goal to find your future boyfriend and if you don’t find him you become upset.

In reality, you could have had an amazing night dancing with your girlfriends and not worrying about guys. When meeting boys, you tend to evaluate him as your future someone. You may think, “Hmmm this person is funny. They can suffice as my future boyfriend.” But your future soulmate shouldn’t just suffice. They shouldn’t be just good enough to qualify or have something about them that “will do.” You are better than that. You deserve the best and someone that exceeds your qualifications. You should never settle just because you want someone to cuddle with at night.

Basically, when relationships become your main priority, you start to become someone else. Make yourself your main priority. Do things that you enjoy doing and wear clothes that YOU like, not clothes you think boys will like. Focus on your schoolwork not on impressing a guy. Strengthen the love you have for yourself not the love you could have for someone else. When you stop becoming so concerned about finding someone else to spend your life with, you start to realize how great this life is on your own. Having someone to share it with is not a necessity; it’s just a plus.

I am not saying that you should stop putting yourself out there or that you should stop trying. I am simply saying to stop making it such a big priority in your life. The best kind of love is the love that is natural. It is the love that is surprising, the love where you run into someone in a hallway or bump into on the streets. It is the love that you were never expecting, but the love you will never regret.

Stop forcing something that isn’t there. Be patient and be who you are. Love will come when the time’s right. And that moment will be more beautiful than any moment you would have created while you were out there searching for a relationship. Love yourself and let everything else fall into place. In the end, the waiting will be worth it.