Growing up, your parents always told you to be nice to everyone and treat others like you wanted to be treated. But what if that isn’t always the case? Don’t get me wrong, being nice to everyone is a good moral to have but what if those same people are sucking the life out of you, constantly treating you negatively and gossiping about you? Not all relationships, friendships or even family relationships will be healthy and that is something that is hard to learn.

Sit down and really think of some relationships in your life. How the person treats you, not only when they’re with you, but when they’re not with you. Do you feel like you always have to impress a person because you’re afraid they wont like you or wont be your friend? These are just some of the signs of an unhealthy relationship.

People sometimes have a hard time when it comes to ‘screening’ these friendships because they’re in the same friend group, sorority/fraternity, organization, or even room mates. People think that if they just ignore it, they think that it’s something they’re doing and they blame themselves. People believe that it’ll eventually go away but 9/10 out of time it doesn’t change unless you make the change. They also don’t want to hurt another human being’s feeling if they confront the person about these issues.

Not only does this cause concern for the person that is being treated poorly in the relationship, but this can cause other things such as anxiety, poor confidence and a lack of involvement with other friends in that group.

Getting the courage to tell the person can take a lot out of you and encouragement from other close friends (if possible). Not only is this the only way to fix the problem but it ‘kills it at the source’ instead of avoiding that person and damaging yourself more.

Establishing boundaries when it comes to the friendship is important when confronting the person about the issue. Make sure you tell them how this is effecting you and how they are disrespecting you as a person.

Knowing that toxic people wont ‘leave easily.’ Typically, when you tell someone you either don’t want them in your life or you need a ‘break’ from this person, they will rebel, they might act like the victim, getting angry or even having the situation escalating can happen during this stage. But what is most important is to stand your ground and not letting them change your decision.

Finally, learning to love yourself and the positive people in your life. Even though it may take time to adjust when kicking someone out of your life, remember that it was for the better and not for the worse. Being in control of your own happiness and not letting the negative people back in your life that you have previously kicked out (unless they have changed and you believe they have.)

You are the only one that can change your life for the better as well as choosing those to be in your life to help improve your life.