I was involved with someone who had one foot in the relationship and one foot ready to run. We'd had our ups and downs, and after about a year of insanity--there were really good times but also really bad times--I was finally at the end of my rope. Then came the Pumpkin coffee conversation that was my wake up call. Just bear with the insanity that follows.
It was right at the peak of Pumpkin Spice season. Pumpkin candles, pumpkin coffee, I even had pumpkin spice cheerios. Pumpkin spice season is my favorite season--I WAS A PSL FOR HALLOWEEN ONCE--but I digress.
My adoration of all things pumpkin was no secret. It covered my social media, it determined the way I would go to school or work. It was an all-encompassing thing. And this person who claimed to "love" me, and interacted with me on a regular basis should have known that.
So one day when they were being dismissive and treating me like a nuisance my inner crazy girl decided to claw her way out and throw a test out. In a conversation I was like "yeah I'm allergic to pumpkin spice" and he said, "that sucks." I will never forget that those two words told me everything I ever needed to know about this fence I was begging him to come off of.
It sucked. And he sucked. And I sucked for letting him continue to only care about me when it was convenient for him. But it took something as stupid as a PSL for me to stop making excuses for him.
The little things are actually the big things. And when someone takes the time to remember them, and notice them, that is how you know that they care about you. When someone takes the time to remember how you like your coffee or your favorite color, or what kind of taco you like it makes you feel special. It shows you that they are paying attention when you talk, and when they spend time with you.
Don't make excuses for someone who doesn't even know the most basic things about you. Someone who doesn't care enough to know that on Saturdays you'll be in front of the TV watching your favorite college football team give you irregular heart palpitations, and thinks that you're just leaving him alone because he's told you "Saturdays are for the boys." Don't try and justify that with something like "We're fans of different teams." Find someone who is willing to talk smack about rankings, or brings up your suspended players indiscretions.
Don't try and justify why he isn't texting or has broken plans AGAIN. Don't justify who that girl is in his Snapchat story. Just remember that you are worth being wanted! Someone should want you as much as I want a PSL at any given moment.
Remember your worth, remember that someone, somewhere is going to remember your coffee order, and can't wait for the time when you get to wake up and drink it in the kitchen together. I know it seems like coffee is a menial thing, and testing people is childish and not very stable--it's really not and while I am embarrassed I did it, I also needed the wake-up call--but sometimes you need a gut check, and coffee is a quick and easy one.
