"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland."
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
We have all, at one point, wanted to start over. We have wanted to drop everything we were doing, pack a bag, and leave. Without warning, without preparation, and without goodbyes.
Maybe it happened over night, or maybe it was gradual. But there comes a point where you just can't shake the urge to move across the country, leaving everything and everyone behind. For me, it was gradual, and then very very sudden. I slowly started to realize I was not where I want to be in my life, and then one morning I woke up and said this is it. At that very second I needed to get out, I needed to leave and I needed to start over.
Starting over could be two of the scariest words you will ever hear. How could I just go? How could I just leave and go somewhere I've never been, with people I've never met, and begin a whole new life there?
I didn't have the answers to either of those questions, but I didn't really care. I thought, maybe I just need to book a plane ticket and go. I needed to get on a plane and just leave, because I never would have done that, which is exactly why I needed to.
Obviously, I did not just pack a single bag and leave without thought, warning, or goodbyes. I stayed, actually. I stayed and made plans. I made plans for the future. I changed my plans ten times, then ten more. I decided to slowly pack all my things, slowly tell everyone I wanted to leave, and then I decided I was going to start over. I was going to go somewhere new, and begin again.
Feeling lost is something that people are afraid to admit. We're afraid to let anyone know that we are so incredibly beautifully lost and we have no idea what to do with our lives, our careers, our feelings. We are so ashamed of having no idea where we are at that very moment, that we have turned feeling lost into this negative terrible thing. However, lost is good. Please, let yourself feel lost. My best friend recently said these words to me, and no words ever spoken have made me feel more okay with where I am: "Right now, right at this very moment, you are at a time in your life where all you can do is float by without direction. But that is okay. Lost is okay. Lost is where you should be." When you feel lost, stop. Stop moving, stop doing, and start over. You can pack your bags, say your goodbyes, and you can start over.
"For what its worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over." -F. Scott Fitzgeral
