Let me first start off by saying all those sappy “I love you” and “I miss you” quotes are almost spot on. People weren’t playing around when they said you will always want your first love; I never believed anyone until I actually experienced it.
Nine months and a relationship later, I still find myself thinking about you in my darkest and brightest of hours. How twisted that may be for some to wrap their heads around, but it wasn’t just me, but my significant other too.
I swear to myself, that when I am married (if it isn’t to you) you will be there watching me. Supporting me, in every way you can just because we care on that type of level, I know it may be difficult to understand, but I do need you in my life, one way or another.
A first love sets a fire that awakens your soul. For the first time in all your years you feel the closest thing to magic and the closest thing to miracles. A first love is unlike any other, it is a migraine and a laugh all at the same time. It is a storm of emotions that never quite leave, even if the storm has passed and now it is just a drizzle of rain while the sun is shining.
No one will ever seem to hold you the correct way, tell the right jokes, or surprise you with your favorite treats quite like they did and that’s OKAY.
As a society, I feel there is a stigma that is connected to anyone that can openly admit they are still in love with their first and I do not understand why. Once you truly love someone those emotions never disappear it doesn’t matter if you both have moved on or not there will always be that spark that can be relit if it truly was love.
I must say I have always been honest with myself and everyone else. If the question were to arise, “do you still love him?” I would immediately answer yes. Why? Because I 100 percent do, in all the best ways.
My newest relationship was wonderful, do not get me wrong, but we both went in knowing it was going to be an adventure to break down those barriers we both spent so much time building up. My ex as well will openly admit the passion he still feels for his ex, is it threatening? Well, of course, but how can I judge when I feel the same.
A first love will remind you of any Nicholas Sparks book ever written and have you crying by the end of his films. It will leave you up in the darkest hours of the night wondering how they are sleeping and leave you curious during the day while you are just cruising down the highway. Whether you have moved on or in the process, there will always be jealousy. Whether you disconnected first, or who broke up with who, it does not matter, it will bother you hearing they are with someone else and that is okay, because love does not just disappear.
But why am I saying it is okay? Because these emotions do not need to hold you back from experiencing your life the way you would like to. It’s okay to hook up with someone else, or date another person while having those feelings, because the truth is, your partner, they have someone like that in their life too. It is not something that shall be held against you because everyone has that person that stops their world from turning even when they do not want them to anymore.
I am not saying there is not a future for you and your first, but do not allow that fantasy make you miss out on someone great, or another opportunity that arises for yourself in this very moment. Take life as it comes, and overcome any obstacle thrown your way, and always keep in touch. It is okay to wonder what their favorite song is, or what restaurants they ate at this week just get your answer, the truth is, they probably want to check in on you too.
And to my first, the one I spent two and a half years with, you will always be my person and my very best friend. I will always be jealous of any girl near you, even when I am with someone else, I will always be curious, it may be twisted, but it is honest. I wish you nothing but success especially because I know you have the potential to be greater, if that is even possible. Most importantly, thank you for showing me, me. Thank you for shaping me into who I am and always still being there to catch me when I fall, I got very lucky with you and I just hope, maybe, you feel the same.
