" Dating with no intent to marry is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unhappy or take something that isn't yours."
I could not disagree with this statement more.
Dating someone with the intent to marry them is setting yourself up for failure. How many times have you dated the one? How many guys have you encountered that have every quality that you've been raised to admire in a guy? Odds are, you haven't found the perfect match for you, and that is perfectly OK. That's the purpose of dating: to test the waters and see what's out there.
In high school, we all date guys who we swear that we'll marry. You plan your perfect Pinterest wedding, pick the names of your children and become inseparably close to their parents. He has so many qualities that are on your checklist: outgoing, athletic, loyal, etc. For me, this guy happened to be my first real boyfriend. After dating for two years, I thought that nothing could come between us. I was so comfortable with our relationship, and everything was great. What more could I possibly want? Boy, was I wrong.
If you've only dated one guy, how could you possibly know if he's the one? You don't have anything to compare him to. That's why dating multiple guys is OK. And by multiple, I mean 15-20 guys. I'm not suggesting that you sleep around and begin a new epidemic of HIV, but date and talk to several guys to learn what you like and don't like about the male species. You're going to date guys with the perfect hair and body, but have no ambition. You'll encounter the ones who are "loyal" and selfless, but your mom just feels something suspicious about them (Mom is always right, BTW). And they come in all variations, good and bad. For every good feature you find in a guy, there's at least one that you wish he didn't have. But dating—dating the right way—is the only way you can know for sure what's out there and what you want in your future husband. Taylor Swift was condemned by critics because all her songs seemed to be about different boyfriends and exes. They didn't like that she had seemingly dated quite a few men that crossed her path. Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner and Jake Gyllenhaal are just a few of the lucky fellows. Kudos to T. Swift. I bet her master "Hubby Material" list is long and precise, and that's how it should be.
Despite what you may think, it's OK to be picky. In fact, if you're not picky, you're doing it wrong. Matthew 19:5-6 states, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Let me translate. God intended for marriage to be eternal, for a man and woman to marry and be married for good. If you're only supposed to be tied to one man for the rest of your life, wouldn't you be picky? Yeah, me too. Your pickiness comes from the heartbreaks and memories and the guys who brought about all those things. Once you've seen the good and the bad, you begin to form a mental picture of your husband. Do not settle for a man who has 75 percent of the qualities you are seeking. It's all or nothing because marriage is a one and done vow.
You are not expected to marry the first man you lay eyes on. For all of you who will, you are fortunate, and I wish you the best. If you don't have to encounter the heartbreaks and tears in order to find your perfect match, consider yourself lucky. Meanwhile, I'll be searching for and taking notes on the man I hope to someday marry. Who will you give your final rose to?
