Although it will somewhat give away my age, my church life started about 28 years ago.
It was an awkward experience initially, but then it became comfortable, enjoyable, and I looked forward to it. It became a part of my daily life. Bible studies. Group studies. Getaways on the weekend with the youth group. Playing music with the church get-togethers.
Having a good time hanging out with the friends I'd met in church. And there's the important lesson I should have learned years ago: why it's hard to keep friends you make at church.
I should have learned a valuable lesson 28 years ago. I should have known why it's hard to keep friends you make at church. If you stop going to church, immediately things change. You no longer have the same interests. You no longer attend the same church. You no longer can talk about people you know at church. You no longer can discuss the message.
It's difficult to talk about God. You can't really talk about anything. People can claim that their friendships will remain after they stop attending church, but I'm here to tell you it simply doesn't work. You want to pretend that it's going to last. You tell yourself that it won't come to an end. But look at your phone. And find out how long it's been since you've heard from that church friend.
That's why it's hard to keep friends you make at church.
Just because you stop attending church doesn't make you less of a believer in God. It doesn't make you less of believer in Christ. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you've stopped going to church. It doesn't mean you don't believe in the Bible. It doesn't really change anything about you. It doesn't change anything about you.
But it sure changes everything about those friends you made in church. It changes how often they text you. It changes how often they call you. It changes how often you make plans to hang out. It changes how many times you socialize with them. It changes if you can even maintain a friendship with them any longer. It changes a lot of things.
One of the greatest thing in society today is social media. It connects people who haven't talked to friends in years. It keeps people in touch that could not see each other face to face. It helps maintain friendships and in some cases relationships.
But sadly, it also divides people. It puts up walls. People can message or comment on a status rather than calling someone on the phone or hanging out face to face. But what is sad, is the fact that the friend I made 28 years ago has never tried to reach out to me. I've tried to find her. And I haven't had any luck. I met her in church. I thought I'd always be friends.
After all, people who follow God aren't judgmental, they treat all others as equal, they follow their Bible, and they are open to keeping things real.
That's why it's hard to keep friends you make in church. Because once you stop going to that church, it seems that everything you believed in, everything you followed like they did, and every effort you made goes out the window. Just like that friendship.
After the first friendship made at that church, another one followed. And another one followed. And years later, none of them exist. The reason behind it is quite easy. The church was no longer the common denominator. There were no conversations to be had. The silence became awkward. And the friendship came to an end.
One lesson that's been learned over the last 28 years is that friendships made in church simply don't last. If one person or another stops attending the church, it's difficult to maintain that friendship. The people don't see each other on Saturday evening. They don't see each other at Bible studies. They don't see each other at service on Sunday morning.
And it's easy for the person still attending to forget to reach out to the other person they don't see any longer. They forget they have that person's phone number in their phone. They forget how often they used to hang out. And that's why it's hard to maintain friendships that you make in church.
When you attend church, you see the same friend week after week. You hang out with the person week after week.
Maybe you have coffee with them. Maybe you go to a concert with them. Maybe you go to dinner with them. Maybe you even socialize with them in different avenues. They know to ask you because they see you.
They know to invite you because you are there when they walk by. And when you stop being there, they stop thinking about you. They stop remembering to call you. They stop remembering to text you. They don't ask you because they don't know you're still out there.
Church is a common denominator. It is a get-together place. It is a place to maintain friendships. It is a place to have conversations. it is a place to communicate. But the minute you stop attending, you stop meaning something.
You stop mattering.
Most times, you stop existing. People stop calling. They stop remembering you. And they stop being your friend. So much for God. So much for equal treatment. And so much for the friendship.
I get it. It's easy to make a friend at church. It's easy to hang out with a friend you see at church. It's easy to socialize with a friend you share a common denominator with. You can talk about God. You can talk about the Bible. You can talk about Christian music. And when you stop attending church, you stop talking about everything.
It is a sad realization. It's hard to make friends that you meet in church. Because if you stop attending church, you stop maintaining the friendship. You lose people that you care about. You lose the conversations that you used to love having. You miss receiving text messages. You want to hear a voicemail from someone you used to know. And when you look back, you realize the one simple factor is true. You met them at church. You made friends with them at church. And you lost them when you stopped going to church.
Been there and done that, and it's a hard lesson to learn in life. That's why it's so hard to keep friends you make in church. Because once you eliminate the church from the picture? It's almost like the Christians you met stop thinking you should be friends. They want it all. Or they want nothing. And sadly, it's nothing that's been found more than anything.
Friendships are always difficult to maintain. Friendships are always a lot of work. Friendships are always difficult to keep if you don't share the same interest as the other person or people. But for some reason, once you eliminate church, the followers eliminate you.
