For my first article as a writer for the The Odyssey, I wanted to critique a hot spot on campus that every student has been to at least once (hopefully): the Undergraduate Library.

I’m just going to cut to the chase: I don’t like going to the UGL, especially during finals week. For most, this is the optimal place to focus, study, and get your work done without distraction. For me, it’s quite the opposite. While I have nothing against libraries in general, there is something about the ole’ UGL that grinds my gears more than the phrase “grinds my gears” itself. 

For starters, the building is just depressing. Dreary color scheme, grey carpets, dim lighting, and questionable metallic bookshelves. Not many discernible differences between a university building and mortuary, if we’re being honest. Granted, the school recently renovated the first floor and it looks fine; bulb wattage above 20 volts and stations complete with Apple computers, because we all don't already have Apple laptops. The Espresso Royale is pretty recent too, probably built within the past few years. Another place on campus for me to spend what little money I have! Let's be honest though, if I have an extra $5 laying around it's gonna go towards some Blue Guys, not a poorly-made iced coffee.

I’d also like to know who decided to build this thing underground. Am I walking into the pits of hell or just trying to meet for a group project? Can’t confirm, considering the temperature on the -2 floor usually rivals that of Satan’s asshole. You’d think that with all the world renown engineers-in-training we've got walking around, someone could loan their knowledge on how to adjust a thermostat. Also, the place is not that large. Finding a study table during finals with a party of three or more is like trying to breathe in the basement of KAM’S- basically impossible. I think I spent more time looking for a place to sit than I did actually writing this post. 

Third complaint: it’s only open until 2 a.m. on regular schooldays. There’s really nothing more annoying than getting kicked out right as you’re about to wrap up the ten-pager or find the cure for cancer. While it does have the 24-hour availability during finals week, a lot of students stay up later than that on a regular basis. I could be wrong, but I think Grainger has 24-hour availability year round. Maybe that’s because their faculty understands that some of the best work is produced at 5 in the morning after an adderall-induced Netflix binge. 

On top of all of this, it's actually pretty distracting. I can’t even go to the restroom without running into at least 5 people I know. Considering I usually look like a disheveled gorilla after a couple of hours of studying for a final, I don’t want to see everyone and their mother when I get up from my table. In addition, every time someone walks by I’m tempted to lift my head and check who it is. Whether that’s the result of natural human curiosity or raging ADD, it adds about an extra 10-15 minutes to anything I’m doing. Perhaps if there were more than two compact floors to work on I wouldn't be running into half of my freshman dorm. Wait, is that my ex by the non-fiction? Needed a study break (anxiety attack) anyway.   

Lastly, the main subject of UGL infamy: the notorious doors. I think I can skip my weekly arm workout after a few in-and-outs through those things. Just kidding, I don't do arm workouts. The two-foot entrance radius provides enough space for a maximum of one person to go through at a time, and not comfortably. A thicker tree branch perhaps, not a college kid with a full backpack. And don't even think about holding that door open for the person behind you without an awkward missed connection. 

The one silver lining to the UGL is the front desk, where you can rent out anything from a laptop to an iPad for up to 2 weeks. One time I rented a GoPro and took it to a concert at the Canopy Club. Almost shattered it (and my wrist), so I don't recommend. But if you're an ad major like me and want to film something cool for class you can do so without spending $400 of your own money. 

Overall, I give the UGL experience a 4/10. Next time I’ll save myself the trouble and stay in bed or hit the Law Library. Who am I kidding, it'll probably (definitely) be the latter.