Why 'Good Enough' & Gratitude Are Key In Relationships

Why 'Good Enough' & Gratitude Are Key In Relationships

When I get over my definitions and standards rather than nit picking and continually making him feel like he hasn't done a good enough job, it only leaves space for gratitude to my husband and all the he gives and all that he does for me.

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My husband and I have different definitions of 'clean' and 'tidy.' I grew up thinking there was only one definition for each but then I got married and learned otherwise. When I say I want to clean my house, the list of what all that entails looks something like, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing the toilets and tubs, dusting etc. My husband, on the other hand, would say that cleaning the house includes sweeping the kitchen, taking the trash out, maybe vacuuming the carpet but definitely never dusting.

Tidying was the same way for us. After some minor tiffs in our early months or marriage, my baffled husband finally said 'Mer I don't mean to sound stupid but I just don't know what you mean when you say tidy? What exactly do you want me to do?' I remember looking back at him utterly perplexed thinking 'tidy, that's exactly what I mean and that's exactly what I want you to do, tidy.' Somehow I had the wherewithal to not actually say those words and instead I said 'tidy means I can't see any of your stuff that's laying around.' It was a total light bulb moment for him, a passage way into the crazy mind of the woman he'd married.

Along with our differing definitions came the realization that there are two kinds of people in a marriage; those that make their bed and those that don't. This presents somewhat of a problem when you share a bed. I'm sure you never would have guessed but I am the bed maker in my marriage. I am very serious when it comes to bed making, I like the sheets to be pulled taut and pillows fluffed to perfection. My sweet husband amuses me so and regularly helps me make our bed. He could not care less about making the bed because, after all, we are just going to get back in it that night so he believes it is a waste of energy that could be channeled into something more productive and he has a legitimate point.

It wouldn't come as a surprise to me if, early on in our marriage, Justin may have wondered if he had married an OCD drill sergeant given my demeanor towards bed making. 'Pull the quilt up higher, fluff that pillow on the right, make sure the sheets are tightly tucked, straighten out the bed skirt.' I told you I was serious about it. Day after day I would come around behind him, smoothing out every last little wrinkle my hawks eye caught and giving one more fluff for good measure.


I realize this is a little insane, also a little funny, but also not funny at all because with every tuck and fluff I was communicating to my husband that he didn't do it right or that he didn't do a good enough job.

It was never my intent to make him feel like he didn't do a good enough job but that's what my actions were communicating and the little comments I made were doing more damage to him than I realized. Rather than communicating by my gratitude that I felt loved by his acts of service for me, when I nit picked his bed making skills, it made him feel like he could never do a good enough job.

In reality, it doesn't matter if he uses a different cleaner than the one you normally use to mop the floors; your floor is clean and he cleaned it for you.

It doesn't matter which rag, brush, or sponge he uses to clean the kitchen sink out with; your sink is clean and he cleaned it for you.

It doesn't matter how he folds your shirts; he folded your clothes for goodness sake.

So these days instead of going back and tucking and pulling, I go find my husband and thank him because he made up our bed just for me, because he loves me, and he knows I like the bed made (even though we are just going to get back in it night.)

Instead of telling him which brush, rag, or cleaner I want him to use, I thank him for offering to help because the likelihood is that it doesn't matter which one he uses anyway.

When I get over my definitions and standards rather than nit picking and continually making him feel like he hasn't done a good enough job, it only leaves space for gratitude to my husband and all the he gives and all that he does for me.

Popular Right Now

Hailey Miller's Debut Single Is 'The One'

"The One" is available now across all streaming platforms.

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Being able to blend genres well is a true testament to a great artist, and Hailey Miller has done just that. Breaking onto the pop-country scene with her debut single "The One", the song speaks to the lessons that come out of unfortunate heartbreak, and definitely resonates with people going through one. I got the chance to talk with Hailey about her music, Nashville, and plans for the future:

1. What inspiration did you pull from to write "The One"?

"The One" was inspired by a relationship I was in. It was young love, not the healthiest relationship, and was dragged on for way longer than it should've been. I'd pretty much worked through all the heartbreak by the time it was fully over, and this song felt like the final piece to the puzzle. To acknowledge that some good came from the whole experience, and that lessons were learned. It just kind of poured out of me. It was exactly what I needed at the time. I wrote it and instantly felt peace. Like I could finally let it all go. It's a different kind of breakup anthem, and I hope that people can connect to it in the same way I did.

2. Do you tend to pull from personal experience to write or do you write using a third person perspective?

I definitely prefer to write from personal experience. I've written from a third person perspective, but it always feels more genuine for me to write about things I've been through first hand. It's just easier! It flows better, and feels more honest. Especially if I'm planning on using the song for myself. As an artist, I always want the truths I'm speaking to be genuine. I feel like people connect better that way. If I can't fully connect to the stuff I'm singing, how can I expect the listeners to? Personally, as an artist, the stories behind my songs are just as important to me as the song itself. That being said, if I can connect to someone else's experience deeply, writing third person can be just as fun!

3. What has your experience been like being a woman in the music industry?

You know, I don't have anything negative to say about my experience so far. I've felt respected as an artist from almost everyone I've personally come across in the industry. This being said, I'm very aware of the challenges females tend to face on a larger scale, especially in country. But I try to not let it phase me. In my mind, I'm just an artist…not a "female artist".

4. Growing up in Oregon, what/who inspired you to move to Nashville and write country music?

My earliest inspiration was definitely my aunt. She was singing country music professionally when I was super young, so I grew up seeing that and my family was super good about surrounding me with all sorts of music. My dad had this thing where he would always tell me to "listen to the words" and then at the end of the song I'd have to tell him what I thought it was about. It made me realize at a young age that music isn't just sound, it's stories. I fell in love with country music and its stories. Then came along these powerhouse female singer/songwriters…like Taylor Swift, and that was it. I knew it was something I wanted to do, and I knew Nashville was the place to do it. So, I learned the guitar, taught myself how to write, and made the move as soon as I possibly could! It's pretty much a 19 year old dream in the making at this point.

5. How has Nashville shaped your artistry and/or songwriting since moving there?

Nashville has already shaped my artistry and songwriting immensely. I think the biggest thing is being around so many talented artists and writers. It's super inspiring! Every time I go to a show or writer's round in town, I go home wanting to work even harder. That's the magic about Nashville. In a place where the industry could feel very competitive, the community is so amazing that instead of feeling intimidated, I feel inspired. I think that's so cool. Being able to learn your craft in an environment like that, where everybody is willing to collaborate and learn from each other. There's no room to sit still and not work hard. I think that alone has made me a better artist and writer. I've discovered my own unique writing style and sound, and can't wait to develop it even more.

6. What has your experience been like releasing your first single independently?

It's been amazing! I've had the best time with it. The process was so fun, and such a learning experience. Since it was my first release, I tried to go into it with little to no expectations and I've been blown away! The support I've received is beyond what I ever expected, and people are listening!! That's all I could've ever asked for. I think putting out music for any artist, independent or not, is always a little scary because there's this fear that people won't connect to such a personal part of you. There's so much work behind the scenes that goes into it. But it is so rewarding to read people's messages about how they connect or relate to the song. It's the best feeling in the world!

7. What are your future goals and aspirations within the music industry?

I ultimately just want to keep writing and putting out music that I love, and that other people love. Whether that's on a small scale level, or a larger scale. As long as I'm continuing to make music, I'm happy! That being said, I'd love to do some touring soon, and work towards my first EP/full length album.

8. Do you have plans to release new music soon?

Plans are in the works. I don't have a definitive date for you guys quite yet, but new music is on its way! I've been writing tons and I have some stuff that I'm dying to get out. I'd keep an eye out in the upcoming months for sure.

Listen to "The One" across all streaming platforms now and keep an eye out for future music from Hailey!


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