Go out they said. It will be fun they said. 

 Well whoever “they” is, is madly mistaken. Have you heard of Netflix and pizza? Sure the stereotypical crazy house party/night club seems so great on the big screen, but Maroon 5 was right when they said it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. The process of getting ready, arriving to the party, and wrapping up the night is not as glorified as it may seem. 

 Step 1. Oh, you have to shower?  The first phase is denial. Deny til' you die. Or at least until you’ve waited up to the last possible minute. Body wash, condition, shave, and sort through those 99 problems you have going through your head. Next, convince yourself that the girl in the reflection whose mascara is smeared down her face and hair that will take at least 5 minutes to untangle has the potential to be model ready at the same rate as everyone else. 
 Step 2. You LITERALLY have nothing to wear.  The skirt you were planning on wearing isn’t flattering? Looks like you better find something else, or go through each friend’s closet leaving it looking like Hurricane Katrina just tore through. Still nothing? You settled for the same pair of go-to liquid leggings that you wear out every other night, didn’t you? Or, after an hour of looking you’re going to settle for a bandeau and chiffon top and heels, right? Right. At least it looks like you tried. 
 3. The Pregame- what makes you or breaks you.  The ultimate dilemma in choosing to go out. Who do you rip shots with before taking on the town? Every girl knows that this is a big role in deciding how the night goes. You could go to Chad’s but Chad’s roommate is creepy. Or you could go to that frat house, but everyone knows that Amanda’s ex-boyfriend is in that fraternity and you simply just can’t even. You will then most likely resort to pregaming the pregame and deal with Chad’s creepy roommate. 
 4. That one drunk friend. Nobody likes a downer, everyone knows that. But there’s always that one friend that’s falling down the stairs, and even though she should definitely be crying about that nasty scrape on her knee, she’s crying about her ex-boyfriend and how much she misses him. Or how about the girl who is passed out by 11pm that you left on the couch but promised to get her the next day. Spoiler: you don’t want to be that girl.
 5. Is that your new fling? Oh he’s here with another girl?  This is where you make the horrible decision to make him jealous with the closest boy available. It doesn’t matter if he’s shorter than you, or chubby, or that you have to hold your breath when you’re by him; drunk you is not above that. However, this wingman will get the wrong impression and continue to follow you around the rest of the night and maybe even follow you home. Regardless you’re still waiting anxiously for your boy to text you asking you to meet up. In the meantime? Looks like it’s time for some drunken texts don’t you think? Nothing says revenge like an ex-boyfriend. Sober you wouldn’t dare to text your ex that you still love him. Drunk you would though. 
 6.     Two words: calories and money.   No girl wants to think about how many calories were in the shots of vodka or the bottle of wine that you had at the pregame, but that won’t stop you from ordering a whole pizza to yourself or letting your health streak (of 2 days) down for the night and giving into the most unhealthy thing on any given menu. Oh you want a tequila shot as well? Let drunk me buy a round for us, and everyone in a 3-person radius. After all, money grows on trees. Or so I heard. 
7.     THE LIGHT, IT BURNS  The walk of shame, the texts to your ex, not even your bank account can amount to the horrible hours of pain you will endure the next morning. Drinking the pain away when going out will only lead to a worse pain known as the hangover from hell. This is where you are allowed the whole “if you don’t remember, it didn’t happen” excuse. Gatorade and Advil just became your new best friends and don’t expect to come out of your cave until 6pm. 
No matter how many times a night like this happens or how bad the hangover is, it doesn’t phase you, cause today’s Saturday and you better be ready for round 2.