Picture it. ETSU 2016. (Shout out to all the Golden Girls fans out there.) I'm sitting at my desk at 9:30 p.m. talking to my mom and asking for help with math for one of my education classes, and out of frustration of working for hours and still not being done and not understanding, I burst out in tears. Hot, ugly tears. I hang up with Mom, and the tears continue to flow until there is mascara all down my face. It was arguably not my best moment.
After being able to compose myself to a point of being able to pick up my phone, I compulsively text my friend telling her what had happened. She doesn't say anything, but responds with a picture containing 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." I will admit that my response wasn't the best thing I could have said, but I replied with "Unless Jesus can do my math homework, I'm not really sure how much He can help." Again, not my best moment.
So that night as I get in bed I go through my night time prayer, and reluctantly ask God for help with math. Fast forward to the next night, after I mellowed out from my math induced rage. While singing some worship songs at the Wesley Foundation, I was reminded why I take this ridiculous class with its ridiculous work. I am doing that for the Lord. I felt incompetent, lost, and confused, but the Lord has placed me on this path. In that moment I was reminded why I take hard courses, do the busy work, and sometimes feel just downright lousy. Because through that the Lord has a plan. That night I had seriously contemplated changing my major. Until that moment threats of us ruining kids lives if we mess up in our job had never scared me. But that teacher had posed a serious question: am I confident in my own knowledge to answer when kids question me? The answer was a big fat NO.
I had let my focus on the real reason I want to teach slip away. I was so concerned with not looking like an ignoramus that I forgot that if God can hold this entire universe in His hands then He can give me some wisdom to succeed in the path that He was leading me down. This world is daunting and scary, and sometimes after discovering God's plan it can still seem impossible. Don't lose faith that He will help you climb the mountains to perform His will, and He cares enough to help us jump over the molehills too.