Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without explanation by withdrawing from all communication. Ghosting has become such a common practice as well as such a massive issue in our society today. Technology makes it so easy for people to cut off all ties with someone who they once shared some type of intimacy with, whether it was one date, an entire relationship, or even a friendship. Honestly, ghosting is one of the most disrespectful things that anyone could ever do and needs to end. To prove why it needs to end, I want to let you all in on the worst examples of ghosting that I can think of: my own personal situation, on what would have been one year since my crazy journey with him started.

This boy, Charlie*, became my first love. When we first met, we instantly clicked. We were into each other from the start. The two of us live an hour and fourteen minutes (he timed it) away from each other, so we only saw each other once a week. But when we did see each other, we were together for hours just cuddling and watching Netflix and making each other laugh at stupid things…okay it was mostly Charlie laughing at me for falling off of the couch. We both fell in love around the same time, while watching That 70s Show on a blue futon in my freezing cold basement. This didn’t become known until several months later…but I’ll get to that. We had to end our time together due to some personal things that he was going through, but little did I know at the time, this wasn’t the end of our story.

Seven months later, I’m sitting at work and my phone lights up with Charlie’s name. He apologized for being terrible and told me I didn’t deserve how he treated me. We talked and I decided to give him a second chance…I’m sure you can see where this is going. We talked a lot after that for two weeks, everything from our past to what we missed in each other’s lives to him recommending music to me. We met up two and a half weeks after his initial text and we talked in a Rutgers parking lot. When I first got into his car, I hugged him and wouldn’t let go. He told me he loved me and he told me when he knew he loved me (who knew That 70s Show was so romantic). We were officially back together at this point.

Fast forward twenty-one days and I drive to Charlie’s house after class to celebrate Valentine’s Day. He bought me roses, I wrote him a letter, and we had a nice dinner filled with stories of our dumb past selves. We drove around and listened to music and we ended the night watching E.T. It was absolutely perfect. That was a Monday. On Thursday, I texted him about our Monday plans. No answer. Friday I sent him a Snapchat that I knew he would find funny and he responded with “I’ll text you when I’m out [of work].” Saturday, he tells me he’s sorry he hasn’t been talkative and that he’s been busy with work and that he wouldn’t be able to see me on Monday. I was upset because he kind of ignored me all week, but I said that was fine and asked him if we could talk when he got home. Nothing. One week of texts trying to get him to talk to me about what was wrong. From sarcastic to sweet to annoyed and back to sweet, I sent him one text a day hoping for a response. Nothing. I sent him Snapchats asking what was wrong. Not opened. Thursday comes around, one week later, and I check to see if the Snapchats were opened, any sign that he was at least looking at what I sent. They were not. I see if he’s still my friend on there. He was not. In fact, I wasn’t just off of his friends list, but I was now on his blocked list. That’s how he ended our time together, by blocking me on Snapchat and most likely blocking my number. That’s how I learned that the man that I loved did not want to be with me anymore.

We had such a short amount of time together and I feel robbed of that time now. Charlie made me excited for plans that we were never able do. He made promises that he clearly wasn't able to keep. I’ve found myself getting upset listening to some of my favorite songs now because they either remind me of him or he was the one who introduced me to them. Ironically, a lyric in one of the songs that he showed me was “I know how the Irish goodbye feels, I know where you’ve been”**. Looking back, maybe I should have taken that lyric as a warning.

My dear readers, if you are ever planning on ghosting someone, please rethink that decision. I shared with you all the worst case scenario, but I have also been ghosted after just a few dates. While those were not heartbreaking, it still hurt. I’ll admit, I have also been the ghost-er before, but that does not make it any more okay. It is not okay to play with someone’s feelings by giving them hope and then taking it all away without any explanation. It is extremely painful to go through and makes the person that was ghosted wonder what is wrong with them, makes them wonder why they weren’t given the decency of knowing what went wrong. The victim will pick themselves apart trying to figure out what happened. They will replay every situation, every conversation, and every piece of body language over and over in their head and find things that they should have done differently. “Maybe”, they will think, “if I laughed harder at that joke they would have stayed”. It is not fair to them and completely disrespectful. People handle things differently, but if you find yourself in a similar situation as me, you will become upset over everything that reminds you of the ghost. You will feel constantly reminded of the person who left. It’s emotionally scarring.

So to the people who have ghosted, who plan on ghosting, think it through first. How invested in this person are you? While it is never okay to ghost, if your possible victim is always at the top of your inbox, someone that you’ve hung out with more than once, if you have even the slightest idea that they are starting to really like you, give them the conversation. While it’s easier said than done, the person will be happy that they were given closure and you won’t have to worry about any negative karma. Be an adult and show respect for the person you’re talking to.

And to those that have been ghosted, whether it was after one date or if you were in a situation similar to mine, I promise that you will be okay. You will find that person who will love the traits that you are afraid pushed your ghost away. You will find someone who gives you the respect that you deserve. Take time to heal if you need it and then get back in the game. You will eventually have peace of mind that you are loved and cared for while the person who ghosted you will eventually face the wrath of karma.

*The name has been changed as to not give any hints as to who he is. However, if this article happens to land on one of his many screens, he’ll know exactly who he is.

**The song is Madelyn by The Wonder Years. For those of you who may be unaware like I was, the Irish Goodbye is another term for ghosting.