“I never want to fall in love.”
My boyfriend had a troubled expression when I said this statement. But, I promise you I’m not heartless. I could go on a rant of how the millennial generation has ruined dating. It’s recently become a popular topic. Apparently we have no commitment, focus on lust and more often than not, travel from heartache to heartache in the search of this phenomenon called love. Which it’s not that I do not love romantically, or do not want to. It is the conception of love it seems the world craves. The idea that we all have a hole in our lives, which only “the one” can fill.
Completion. The endless search for that single missing puzzle piece of your life, then bam, you find your soulmate. The key word here is endless. Since it is impossible to be completed by a person. We as humans are fickle and we will fail. It is not a matter if we do, it’s when. We may have the best intentions. Yet, even with the best intentions at heart, we end up hurting those we hold dearest. When this person does hurt you or even leaves you, it leaves you broken and with a false sense of identity. Part of your identity had become that relationship. When this person becomes your entire world, it is infatuation, not love. Since this is what leads to statements I have heard, “I must love him because I get jealous whenever I see him with other girls.” Or, “I better be the only girl who compliments you.” “Love is over rated, they are just going to hurt you.” While these statements seem far fetched for some people, the concept is accurate. Since somehow happiness, jealousy, completion, hurt, butterflies, and euphoria have been lumped into the concept of love. Unlike what OneRepublic can say, the love does not run out. Love is something not to bail on when life gets tough. Divorce is at an all-time high. Something happened that meant “I can no longer commit to love.” There are a variety of things that may happen that end in divorce, but I have seen some divorces where one person is loving and holding on till they have to sign that paper.
The truth is, love is the one thing in this world that doesn’t hurt. Love isn’t jealousy. Love is not butterflies when you see them. Love is not euphoria. Love is not just an emotion. Love is not completion. Love is finding that person who compliments you. Completion and complementation are two vastly different concepts. While finding this person to love is a piece to your puzzle, they are not the piece to solve all your problems. I am completed by my heavenly guide, Jesus Christ. But when someone compliments you, they are not just a lover but a friend. Since as a romantic partner in life, we tend to have some biases. Since the lens is “the relationship.” While, when you are their friend, you are also looking for them to grow as an individual. When two people can grow individually, and still grow in the direction of together, that is love. Love is committing to that person, even when there is not butterflies. Love is standing by that person even when they are unlovable.
So, while I may find myself falling in love, it is not in the modern sense of the word. Love to me can be an intimidating concept. While amazing it is, it gives a lot of power to that individual. The more emotions and love you have for them, the more they can hurt you. But trusting someone with your heart is knowing they are going to try their best not to hurt you.
P.S. Shout to my boyfriend who has been understanding of my sometimes radical statements.
