Why Cutting my Hair was a Breath of Relief

For some people hair is their identity, their expression, and, for some, their freedom.

For the longest time hair has been a controversial topic. I know. Crazy, right? Why would one of the natural and visible parts of our body be controversial? I'm not going to get into a rant about why there is so much controversy against natural parts of our body, but I will soon. But one thing I want all of us to think about is why everything is so controversial--is it because people don't understand how or why things work, or are they jealous? I don't know but when someone finds out let me know.

Seeing my Afro-latina and black friends go through the suffering of perming and relaxing their hair to the point of tears is something I'm never going to understand nor have to go through. I always remember thinking 'what is it like to go through that pain, both physically and emotionally?' I was never going to be able to understand, but one thing I did see, and later understood, was the way their attitude and even personality changed once they made the decision to go "natural" and be who they were meant to be.

It wasn't until this year that I understood what it felt like to be a prisoner in life and be able to take a breath of fresh air the moment your hair is chopped off.

Let's take it back a second and talk about the history of my hair. When I was younger, until around 13, my hair was straight with thick hair. It was even long and heavy, and for as long as I could remember my hair was long or at least longer than my shoulders. Since it's always been that length, I never had a doubt in my mind that it should stay that way, but as I grew older my hair got curlier, less manageable, thinner, but I still kept it long.

As stress in my life continued to grow, my hair didn't. Before I was able to grow inches in a matter of weeks but those inches started coming in in a matter of months. For some this change might not bother them but I noticed the difference as soon as it started happening. This change was the beginning of full body hate and self harm.

I never felt comfortable or pretty with my hair, which was one of the hardest parts of growing up seeing the girls around me loving their hair, dying and cutting their hair to any and every way they wanted. The only time I remember feeling a little bit of joy towards my hair was right after a hair cut, it didn't matter if it was major or not but the moment always passed since I never felt my hair wasn't right or for me, especially as high school came and went and college started without a break. Luckily, everything changed after new years.

Freedom. Life. Regret. Happiness. Just a few words that came to my mind when I felt the weight off of my head and the hair on the floor. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself.

Now its been a few weeks and I've never felt more beautiful, sexy even, but most of all, I'm happy.

So why should you care? Great question. Maybe you shouldn't. I just want you to know that every decision about you, that pertains to your body and your happiness belongs to you. Take advantage and be happy. For the only peerson that loses out if you don't is you.