Growing up in a Christian family, I experienced a lot of the Christian religion through the years. My family attended church regularly.

My parents played Christian music in the house almost every morning as we started our day, and the music followed us into the car. Christianity then followed me when my parents enrolled me in a private Christian school as my first-grade year began.

Christianity continued to follow me as I played church basketball and did activities in elementary school with the Royal Ambassadors (basically the church’s version of boy scouts).

Recreational soccer with the town of Cary was the only place where I met different people, but otherwise, I found myself in a Christian bubble.

If Christianity is true, does it seem like a good idea to only be around people who agree with you and believe the same stuff? Perhaps. Should I be hearing other people’s perspectives as well? Maybe.

What was the last thing Jesus said before he left the earth and ascended to heaven? I think he talked about something called the “Great Commission.” What did he commit and to whom?

Ah, here it is. Matthew 28:18-20 reads, “And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Alright, let’s go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of God, and teaching them to observe all that God commanded. That sounds tough, but God will be with us always, right?

Hold the phone. Is the “Great Commission” to take the good news of Jesus Christ to all nations, or are we those nations and can just keep this good news for ourselves?

It really seemed to me like it was something we could just take for ourselves growing up. Everyone in my bubble believed in Christ or claimed to. I didn’t see anyone but the pastors share Christ with others until middle school. It seemed like we were all talk and no walk.

I did not know any non-Christians, and hardly ever saw new faces in my Sunday school classes unless a kid or two transferred to my church from somewhere else. Wow, this is awesome, I thought. I believe in God. I’m going to heaven later. Now, it’s time to cruise through life carefree. I was selfish.

What was the point of talking about the gospel every Sunday? Perhaps it was a reminder that we’re saved and don’t have to do anything else? Maybe people viewed the “Great Commission” as something just for Jesus’ disciples and our pastors to do, but it doesn’t sound so great that way.

Anyway, here I was −- an elementary schooler trying to follow the rules just to please his parents and God. One more thing: Something horrible happened the summer after my 1st-grade year. My mom got diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease, and things began to change for my family.

My Mom's Sickness and My Depression

Let me summarize this tragedy. My mom got Alzheimer’s disease as I said, and this went over my young mind at the time. It soon became apparent to me, however.

She forgot normal things at first like getting groceries, doing laundry, or eating lunch. Then it became forgetting to pick us up from school, loss of driving abilities, how to run, and how to walk.

My mom was given a walker to use, and she was not a fan at all until she fell down enough times to know that she needed it. It was too late though, for she forgot how to walk completely.

Then she forgot how to talk, and by the time my grandfather died in my third-grade year, my mom had mostly died mentally. I did not know if she knew who I was anymore. This put me in a dark place.

All she could do was eat and drink what was placed in her mouth and use the bathroom when people set her there.

My grandparents on her side were very compassionate, and they moved nearby all the way from New Mexico to help take care of her and the rest of the family. We bought a nice leather recliner for her to sit in and a wheelchair to bring her to things like church and sports games.

I did not hang out with anyone in elementary school because play dates were never arranged, and even so, I was embarrassed by my mom because of the effects of her sickness. She would sit there, stare, and moan, drool, and make noises.

At one of the lacrosse games in middle school, a kid asked me if she was retarded, and I felt horrible. I explained the disease she had but feared her being at other games.

Living with my mom having Alzheimer’s was tough and even depressing, so I soon began using video games and pornography as an escape from my reality, but I will talk about that more in Part 2.