I made the decision to start wearing makeup in middle school. In the mornings, while getting ready for school, I painted on some brightly colored eyeshadow (most likely matching my shirt color... yikes!), some mascara and a little lipgloss. As I grew up and had more access to the internet, I learned about foundation, concealer, blush, etc. I remember sitting at the Bobbi Brown counter in a Nordstrom and having the makeup artist do my makeup for an 8th grade dance. I still have the empty pan from the blush I purchased that day.
Learning to put on makeup was fun for me. When I started wearing it, I was not attempting to be pretty because I felt ugly. My makeup was not coming from a place of low self-confidence. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I never put on makeup to feel prettier, because I did and I still do, but that is not the reason I choose to wear it.
In high school, I started to struggle more with acne and scarring, leading to plummeting self-worth. I was able to feel better by putting on makeup. A lot of people have told me that I was creating a false sense of confidence by allowing myself to find solace in foundation and concealer, but I personally believe that if makeup helps me get through my day without crippling paranoia that everyone is looking at my face, then there is nothing negative about wearing it for myself. I wear my makeup for me, not for anyone else. I do not want to hear anyone say, "But Julia, you don't need makeup." It's no one else's business but my own.
My makeup time is my me-time. It's a little ritual I have every morning: wake up, wash face, moisturize, put on clothes, do my makeup. Makeup allows me creativity. Asking me why I wear makeup is like asking an artist why they paint. My face is my canvas and each morning, I get to create a new masterpiece. Why does it matter if my "art" gives me a boost of confidence? If a nice lipstick and defined eyebrows make me feel like a badass woman, then that's fine. Stop telling me to stop putting "so much effort" into my appearance. I'm not doing it for you.
I am at a point in my life now where I do go out without makeup on. I'm slowly but surely working on my own self-acceptance. Wearing or not wearing makeup has nothing to do with this, though. My makeup is not masking who I am, but is rather enhancing my personality. It's not me wishing to be something I'm not, but reflects me being someone I already know without a shadow of a doubt.
So, next time, before you assume that I wear makeup for attention or because I have no sense of self-worth, think before you speak. I am not any less confident than a woman who chooses not to wear makeup. I am not less any empowered than a woman who chooses not to wear makeup. I am simply making a choice that should not define me.
