One of my favorite things to do in life is to go to Target and look at the displays they set up for the holidays. I love walking through the aisles and feeling like I'm in a completely different world because everything for a solid three to four aisles is holiday related. But every year, Halloween corrupts me. As much as I want to enjoy this gothic-like holiday, I just can't. It's clearly topped by Christmas (in my book) and though fall scented candles are one of the best things ever, I just hate Halloween - especially because of candy corn!
Let me be a little bit clearer: candy corn is disgusting. Like, I see a bag of candy corn in the store and I honestly find it repulsive. The worst thing about candy corn is that it definitely looks delectable with its vibrant colors and unique shape, and then you put it in your mouth and it tastes like sugary plastic. And please, don't get me started on those gross mellowcrème pumpkins. Brach's should probably just leave the market while they're successful. However, I can't just completely despise something and have no reasoning behind it, so here are five reasons as to why candy corn is overrated (and utterly gross).
1. It's Pure Sugar
The two most abundant ingredients in candy corn? Corn syrup and sugar. How about you go to your kitchen and mix those two together, add a little bit of honey, and tell me if that tastes good. News flash: it doesn't. Click the gif and begin watching at 1:03. You're welcome.
2. Vampire-Candy Corn Teeth
Stop using sugary blocks of "candy" as your go-to vampire look and go to the dollar store and buy yourself a pair of plastic vampire teeth. They even have glow in the dark and neon colors. You will be fine.
3. Candy Corn Flavored Everything
Oreos, popcorn, cereal, ice-cream, liquor, Hershey's chocolate, Hershey's kisses, cup cakes, Jones soda, pretzels, macarons, Peeps... it's almost as bad as the pumpkin spice craze (but I actually like pumpkin spice).
4. It Doesn't Even Taste Like Corn!
What the heck? I'm from Indiana. Corn-country, corn fields galore, corn everywhere, "knee-high by the Fourth of July". It's borderline offensive that this crap is referred to as corn. It's nowhere near corn, and just because it looks like corn, does not mean that it should be named after corn. Pets look like giant balls of fur, but we don't name them that. C'mon people.
5. This Picture Says It Sucks, So It Does
Because the Internet is always right. Duh.
I realize that this may be offensive to those who love candy corn, but save yourself the stress and don't get too offended. This article is slightly satirical, and I overreacted... a little bit (but not that much). I just really don't like candy corn, okay?
*mic drop*
