“You shouldn’t burn your bridges,” is a saying that I’d bet the majority of us heard growing up from our parents, relatives, and teachers. It is the idea that you should try to remain on good terms with everyone you meet in your life because you never know when you might need their help or if you’ll regret losing them in the future. This common piece of advice is something that while in theory has good intentions, should be taken on a case-by-case basis.

For most of my life, I’ve been a strong proponent of this phrase. It used to be my golden rule. I thought the most important thing was to remain on good terms with everybody. If I could master that, I wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything. I would be happy.

In the past few years, I’ve learned a few things about this famous phrase.

First, there is the idea that you should remain on good terms with people because you never know what purpose they might serve you in the future. While it is true that the majority of our interactions in life are a give-and-take relationship, people should not be treated as a means to an end. The people in your life should not just be something you’re kind to because it might help you in the long run. We should be kind to one another because it is the right thing to do, not for selfish reasons.

Secondly, burning bridges is one-hundred percent, without a doubt, okay. Burning bridges has this sort of negative connotation because it seems to encourage being rude or dismissive to one another. On the contrary, burning bridges simply means not letting people who are not good to you, or no longer serve a positive purpose in your life, stay in your life. It is the ability to recognize people who have hurt you in a way that is not forgivable. I think a lot of people are unhappy because they allow people who have treated them badly, whether that be friends, exes, or relatives, to stick around. They feel the need to keep those people around because it is both familiar and hard to let go. It is no secret that toxic people are going to enter your life. There are going to be people who use you and deny it. There are going to be people who hurt you and don’t feel sorry.

Over the past few years, I’ve been hurt tremendously by a number of people I trusted. People who I thought would never treat me a certain way. I’ve lost friends, relatives, and people that I loved on a deep level. It was very, very difficult to let go, but these people simply did not serve a positive purpose in my life anymore.

Now, this is in no way condoning being cruel to anybody. Burning bridges simply means to let go of people who have wronged you, and recognizing when to do that. Letting go doesn’t mean to be unkind, it simply means to be civil, but distant.

One thing I’ve learned in my life so far is that you must let these people go, no matter how much you care about them. You must do this because they will not help you grow as a person. They will bring you down. They will make you unhappy. You must choose people who choose you. Sticking with the familiar is never a better option than being happy.

And life is way too short to be anything but happy.