I'm going to go outside of popular belief here for a moment and challenge everyone else to do the same. I am going to make the declarative statement that nice is not the best thing a person can be. There, I said it, and I didn't burst into flames! Yes, "nice" is the most generic, bland descriptor anyone can use for an individual and I refuse to apologize for saying so.

Throughout my life I've been told multiple times that I'm "not very nice" - kind, generous, honest, courageous and compassionate yes. But nice? Not so much. This used to bother me immensely until I realized that being nice doesn't necessarily make you a good person. What I did realize, however, is that being labeled as "not nice" or "mean" spoke volumes about the other person, not me. I've realized as I've matured that when a person tells you that you aren't nice, it's generally because you didn't give them their way or because you had boundaries.

Nice, in our society, has become a tool for compliance rather than an even remotely admirable quality. To be nice is to be an unwaveringly loyal, unquestioning, doormat, with the constant fear of public scorn and being called a bitch. I don't know about you, but I don't need anyone in my life whose measure of character means I kiss their ass and do whatever they say! Some may argue that nice is synonymous with good, kind, benevolent or moral but I tend to disagree. You can be all of those things without being nice. In fact according to its dictionary definition, which I've obtained for good measure nice means; pleasant, agreeable, or satisfactory. That all sounds pretty miserable and boring to me. Being nice, according to others' standards is, as my mom would put it "making yourself small to make others feel big" which for lack of a better word is bullshit! If I were to be nice by other people's standards it would be the ultimate form of cowardice and the ultimate betrayal to my own integrity.

When I envision the woman I aspire to be I never say a nice one because there are so many better, more articulate virtues that I hope to possess. When I look to the future I see a passionate woman, I see a woman who is fiercely loyal to her friends and family, I see a woman with amazing personal style, a woman who strives every day to lift others up, a generous woman, a successful woman, an intelligent woman, a woman with great wit. A nice woman? Not so much!

In a day in age where adjectives run at a premium in our vernacular, shouldn't we be using more intentional language? Shouldn't we value more than just utter compliance? Shouldn't we aspire to something better than just nice?