Why Being A 'Mess' Is OK

Why Being A 'Mess' Is OK

Being a mess is the new black.

Tonight, I spilled gas on the crotch of my pants at a nearly empty gas station, went to an almost closed down Arby's on the other side of town for a single item at 11:30 p.m., left there with two free large shakes in flavors that I don't even like, and I captured the entire ordeal on Snapchat with intermingled shots of me completely losing it. In essence, I am a total mess, but I am here today to tell you that that is completely okay.

Let me start by defining a mess. One scholar on the renowned Urban Dictionary defines mess as "a person whose life has fallen into despair." I find this to be a fairly accurate depiction of the term. Many people also associate being a "mess" with a long night of alcoholic beverages, which can also be deemed accurate in some situations. In my mind, I would define a mess as somebody who gets into situations like the one I described above. While this can be a short-term thing, to those of you who are long-term messes, I understand you!

Every friend group has "that one friend" and I accepted long ago that that would be me. Something in my life always seems to be in shambles and I always have to rely on my friends to pick up the pieces. That's just fine, though, because my friends always know that when it's them in my position, I will be there with the duct tape and ice cream to put them back together.

I felt the need to speak out as a "mess" advocate because the term seems to have such a negative connotation. Honestly, it is not that bad to be one, as long as you always have good friends around to help you out. "Falling into despair" will never seem as gruesome with somebody waiting there for you with cookie dough and a good shoulder to cry on.

Being a mess is the new black; everybody's doing it. If you feel that you may be the only one, that is so far from the truth. If you take only one thing away from this article, let it be that everybody is a mess at some point in their life and that is just fine. If you need to cry in the middle of a Walmart parking lot while blasting "Everybody Hurts" and stuffing your face with really bad pizza because you got a C on a paper in your "easy" class, you be you. There is no shame because we have all been there.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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