Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder, Disordered Eating, Body Dysmorphia.
The first time I went vegan, I did it to lose weight and it ended up spiraling into a relapse, back to disordered eating. My dermatologist first suggested that I cut dairy out of my diet because lactose and dairy cause severe breakouts and sometimes a rash. I am lactose intolerant, my stomach always had a reaction to milk and dairy, but I never made the connection between my diet and the health of my skin. When a body building friend of mine told me that cutting out dairy was a fast track to cutting fat, I couldn’t say no to clear skin and a thin stature. I was already practicing extreme restricting, so cutting out dairy was just another thing to add to my list of things I refused to eat.
Four years ago, when I went vegan, I did it with little knowledge and jumped in head first. I quit eating cheese cold turkey — I was already drinking non-dairy milk substitutes, and I stopped eating eggs, the only real source of protein I consumed on my vegetarian diet. I was on a crash diet and disguised it as being vegan. I was binging and purging after consuming anything “unhealthy.” My idea of veganism was completely centered around my obsession with losing weight. I ended up succeeding in my weight loss, I lost nearly 30 pounds over the course of six months. I also lost my period and ate one vegan meal a day, maybe two.
It took me almost two years to regain control over my health, both mentally and physically. I gave up the hybrid crash diet/vegan diet and went back to vegetarianism. I gained back the pieces of me that disappeared. I gained back the weight I lost and a little bit more. But when I went back to ordering cheese and wine plates, and indulging in real ice cream and real cheesecake — my skin disagreed.
Recently, I read an article about acne and the effects your diet has on your skin. This wasn’t new news, but I certainly take it more seriously these days. This article, along with other articles, breaks down what it is in milk and dairy that promotes acne in humans. On the blog Clear Skin Forever, created by Seattle native Devin Mooers, the article “Milk and Acne: Does Milk Cause Acne?” explains that milk has high levels of insulin-like growth factor 1, or the hormone IGF-1. Mooers provides a short list that outlines the way that milk and dairy work against your skin and causes breakouts.
The hormone given to cows to promote growth in calves causes in spike in insulin levels when consumed by humans. Health and Beauty blog Annmarie Skin Care explains in the article “5 Foods to Eat — and 5 Not To Eat — to Reduce Acne Outbreaks” that a high-glycemic based or focused diet encourages the manifestation of acne and breakouts. In the simplest of terms, milk and dairy triggers a spike in blood sugar and increases the human body’s levels of oils and inflammation. A spike in your blood sugar and in insulin levels also trigger hormonal functions in the body; inflammation and hormonal functions cause breakouts and acne.
Being lactose intolerant, I always danced a thin line; how committed was I to dealing with a stomach ache and headache? How worth it would that mac & cheese actually be? Being dairy sensitive meant a new breakout the morning after I had said mac & cheese. I was teased as a teenager for my acne; I remember the boy I had a crush on in the 7th grade snickering to his buddies when we were at a waterpark for a field trip, pointing at the breakouts on my shoulders and chin. I was also eating copious amounts of cheese for every meal in my teen years.
I know what causes my acne. I’ve had doctors and nutritional therapist explain to me the various causes and its relevance to my diet. I need to cut out dairy, and I want to go vegan. This time, I promise, it will be different. I’ve done my reading and mapped out a plan of action with my next adventure with veganism. I want it to be permanent this time, for the sake of my exhausted skin and for the sake of my conflicted animal activist heart.
