After four in half years of pushing you out of my life, out of my head and out of my heart, you itch your way back in.

That morning I woke up, saw your notification, and the pain and suffering itches it's way back into my head screaming at me, breaking me back down to the broken, scared little boy I was a year ago.

I wanted to end my life because of you. You and your wife told me to die and I nearly gave y'all the satisfaction. Every single night I screamed and cried for help knowing I would never get it. I constantly wondered what my purpose in life was because of you. You nearly won but I couldn't give in, I couldn't let you feel in control, like you had me by a string as if I was a puppet playing your little game.

I'm writing this for you Dad, my abuser, my pain and suffering. I hate you. With everything in me. With every ounce of scream, cry for help and punch I can muster to throw at your presence in my subconscious, I hope you know that.

You broke me down, killed me inside, left me to feel alone and dead for years to come till I finally felt free, then you itch your way back into my life.

The freedom and bliss of waking up every morning feeling free, feeling safe, feeling important to this world is slowly shattering to glass. You use to keep me up at night, worrying if I was actually going to make it in life. Those words you told me rang in my head for years to come, till I was free. But now, snapping back to reality, I realize I'm never free from your presence, whether it's from pictures, statuses or social media, you somehow try to pry your way back into my life and back into my head.

I felt happy again, I felt safe, I felt complete. As if the walls you shattered in me, built back up and closed you off forever. Till you come kicking them back down just with a single notification.

The day you laid your fists on me, the day your wife watched and grinned as I suffered under your pleasure was the day I knew you would never be in my future. But along comes that notification and everything changes.

A simple block could suffice but what does that really do? Social media is a big part of everyone's lives and a simple fake account could be made just to keep a check on me.

Well, stay out of my damn life. I do not need you there, I never did. You have done enough damage as it is and you will do no more. You broke me for 18 years and you will not continue to do so. Pry in someone else's life who actually gives a shit.

I hope you see this. I hope you read this and understand that I don't love you, that I don't need you. I hope you realize the pain you made me suffer through was a enough to last me a lifetime and for you to just leave me alone.

I have bigger things to worry about in life than an irrelevant father figure who can't even take care of his own kids without making their lives a living hell.