You're Looking In The Wrong Places For Your Soulmate

Yes, Your Soulmate Is Out There, But You’re Looking In All The Wrong Places

Society has taught us that we should spend our lives looking for the one, but we often tend to ignore the one that's right in front of our eyes.

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Browsing through Netflix the other night, I decided on a new show whose concept intrigued me. Set in futuristic Europe, the show Osmosis follows the story of a company with the technology to help you find your soulmate. The show is beautifully done, and even through the layers of sci-fi and drama, is deeply emotional. We all grew up with the concept of a soulmate in mind when thinking of our future romantic partner. But as we grew and changed, got dumped, dated assholes, and waded through a seemingly endless pool of losers, the concept of a soulmate became silly. The idea that there is just one person for you out there among seven billion humans on the planet seems silly. While the idea of the one might remain somewhere in your mind, as you swipe through endless tinder matches and get ghosted by yet another dude, you've come to accept the fact that you might just have to settle.

Okay, maybe you're not that hopeless, but we don't live in fairyland either. You might not find the one to settle with, you'll just find someone, and that's okay. But while you lament the loss of your prince charming, they might have been there throughout your whole life. No, I'm not talking about that kid that's been in love with you since seventh grade. We are told our soulmates have to be romantic. Your other half that completes you. This is where society got it wrong, however. If we think about the ideal soulmate, the criteria a soulmate searching technology would use, what comes to mind? Someone who you connect with on a deep level. Someone you can be completely open with. Someone who loves you unconditionally and wants only the best for you. While these all might be boyfriend or girlfriend material, when you think about it, they could be applied to anyone. Romance does not have to enter the equation to be totally and deeply connected to someone. You might have already found your soulmate. Because in reality, your soulmate could be your best friend. Your soulmate could be your sibling, your childhood friend, even your mom.

It might be weird to think about, but once we remove the need for romance from the equation, it makes perfect sense. Two souls don't need to be connected sexually in order to be connected fully. If, when, you find someone who understands you and loves you more than anyone else on the planet, they could be your soulmate. Society often devalues the importance of platonic relationships. In the endless pursuit for a mate, we neglect to love those around us who have just as much to offer. Platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling as sexual relationships. Sharing a relationship with someone, spending time with them, loving them, building them up. These can all be done outside of a romantic relationship.

My friend Ray has always said that she has met her soulmate in her best friend, Brock. Brock is gay. Ray and Brock have no intention of ever becoming romantically involved. When Ray first mentioned that she and Brock are soulmates, I didn't fully understand. Yes, he might be your best friend, but surely a best friend can't be your soulmate. He can't provide everything you need from a significant other. But that's not the point. Your soulmate does not have to be your significant other. Having a soulmate doesn't mean you can't love someone else just as deeply and affectionately, and who says you can't have more than just one? What Ray and Brock share is a deep trust, love, affection, and understanding that could never be replicated outside their friendship. Them being friends does not change this. Instead of looking to find this in someone romantically, they have acknowledged that they are each other's soulmate, and have chosen to value and appreciate that.

Watching Osmosis the other night, I was moved. The way they describe soulmates was moving and beautiful, and it made me think. In the middle of watching it, I texted my friend of 6 years "You're my soulmate." He and I have never and will never be romantically involved. But we don't need to be. His friendship is more valuable to me than any romantic interaction, and though we might not be in a relationship, he is the one person who fits the criteria of my soulmate. I might never have realized that had I not been described the concept of soulmate, in a romantic context no less. Hearing soulmates described made me realize my soulmate had been right in front of my eyes all my life.

Finding the one in a sea of 7 billion seems preposterous. But maybe you don't have to worry about that. Don't limit yourself to romantic partners to be your soulmate. Don't limit yourself to just one soulmate. If you find someone you deeply love, understand, and trust, do just that. Thrive in the love, trust, and understanding you will receive back from them. You don't need to go searching for your soulmate, they will be there at the right time, in the right place, you might just not know where to look.

Not all your friends have to be your soulmate for you to love them to the best of your ability though. Writing this article has led me to appreciate the relationships I have all the more. Platonic relationships provide so much more for you than you could expect, and you should never hesitate to appreciate your friends for all they do. Soulmate or not, make it a goal to tell your friends how much you love them as much as you can. A friendship is a valuable and beautiful relationship that deserves just as much respect as a romantic relationship. Text your friend today and tell them how much you appreciate them. You never know, they might be your soulmate.

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To The Sweet Girl With A Broken Heart

Words of wisdom for every girl...

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To the sweet girl with a broken heart,

Do you feel like you're stuck in this hole, six feet under, with absolutely no way to get out? You are not alone, and I promise you there is a ladder just waiting for you to climb it. I know your heart feels like it's been shot, and your gut feels like it's been punched one hundred times.

This feeling is just temporary, and I can tell you that because I've experienced it first hand. I know you feel alone, and like you're the only person who has ever felt this much heartache. I can promise you that you are never alone, and there are so many girls that can relate to you in ways you never thought possible. Don't let one guy dictate your way of life. Don't let one guy dull your sparkle.

Don't let one guy change your heart, or your remarkable personality. Sounds really silly when you read it back doesn't it? All of this hurt, tears, and confusion over one guy! Don't get me wrong, I know that this one guy was your world, you truly thought he was going to be in your life forever.

Up until this point, you didn't see a life without him in it. Girlfriend, look at yourself in the mirror. You are doing this whole breakup thing all on your own, and you're doing a great job at it. You picked up the pieces, and are carrying on all by yourself. You have been through the most extreme roller coaster of emotions, and you road it solo.

That says something, something really special. That says that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. Realize that! This is God's plan for you, to show you just how amazing you are. That you can conquer all things, and handle them in the most graceful way possible.

You are special. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are you! And that's one hell of a thing to be because you are the only you on this planet!

Lift your chin up, hold your head high, and show the world exactly who you are. Never change for anybody. Ever! Heck, get back to that girl you were before him. Strong, independent, confident, selfish. I know the word selfish seems so, well, selfish. But It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to defending your own heart.

Take that vacation, dress up just because, do your makeup and take selfies just because you want to, go to the gym, get that tan, go to that party, spend time with your greatest friends, hug your mom!

Do all of these things carelessly, do them because you deserve it, and because you can! And at first you may be doing them as a distraction from all that you've been through, but soon enough you'll find that you're doing them not because you need to, but because you want to!

Simply because this really is the new and improved you. Learn from this pain. Learn to love yourself again without him, without constantly feeling like you need to be reminded by him that you are loved. Instead, love yourself and I assure you when other people see that, they'll love you even more.

Girls, when we love someone, we love deeply, we love wholeheartedly, and that person never has to question our love for them. You deserve that same exact love in return. There are plenty of other guys out there just waiting to take care of your heart, and love you unconditionally. You deserve nothing but that!

Do not stop until you find that guy. You can change the world just by being a kind hearted human being. Don't get revenge, don't force yourself to move on as quickly as he did, don't torture yourself with remembering "the old him," and definitely don't change. I know it's hard to see him changing in the worst way, to the point where you don't even recognize him anymore. To the point where he feels like a complete stranger to you.

Do not stoop to his level. Trust me, one day, he will look back on his life and probably regret losing you. Of course, I know all you're wishing is that he'd be able to see that right now, but that just isn't God's plan. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and hurt, and be upset.

Those are all good things.

That is what is going to allow you to heal, and move on to become a better, stronger, happier, and more mature you! I promise you, that a year from now all that you're stressing about will not mean a thing. This is our one and only chance at life, we can not let one person take away all the happiness that we deserve.

The right guy will never leave, even when times get tough he will always fight for you. I saw something on twitter that said, "take sex away and you'll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for the physicality that ya'll forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity."

That hit extremely close to home for me and is something that everyone needs to remember.

Fall in love with somebody's heart, mind, and soul. Go beyond their looks, go beyond the attraction, dig deeper. Don't be that shallow girl, who doesn't know how to love the right way. You are so much better than that. To every single broken hearted girl, I am so proud of you! I am always here for you, you have so much love and support. I've realized that myself. As I write this, I feel relief, no longer sad or dwelling on the past. What is coming is always better than what is gone. Now get that beautiful smile back on your face because you are too pretty to be sad.

P.S. To the "other girl" (if there is one).

How dare you take him away from me? You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my whole heart was on the line. Women need to start respecting other women. Think before you act. Would you want to be in my position? I sure as hell hope not, and now that you have him I hope you're thinking about how you hurt me. And if you're not, then you have a lot to learn about life hunny.

It's kinda weird because I can't hate either of you. Simply because I want nothing but the best for him. It's crazy how someone can break your heart into a million pieces, but you still have such a special place in your shattered heart for them. Besides that, take good care of him. I hope he can learn from you, and love you in all the ways he couldn't love me or any of his other ex's. Every relationship is a lesson, and there is always something to learn. So thank you for teaching me mine.

P.S- To "the guy who did this" Imagine you have a daughter someday, and some boy breaks her heart the way you did mine. I hope you think back to this, and remember me. Maybe by that time, you'll feel sorry.

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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