I ask myself this question almost daily. Who am I? What is my purpose? Where do I belong? The question to this answer still remains unknown, but its the beauty that comes with the mystery. Today while I was doing my devotional, I was reminded of how blinded I am by God's work. On the way home today, i had a talk with God. It went something like this:
"Hey God, I know this isn't who I am or who you intended me to be and sometimes, well most of the time, I catch myself failing. I find myself returning to the person I'm not. I find myself worrisome and anxious when our relationship is weakened by my unnecessary priorities. Instead of giving it to you, I give it to the people close to me. While giving my problems to someone else may sound comforting I'm also weakening the relationships I have with them. I know my emotional state is a lot to handle and I've realized it takes someone special to handle me and that's why you can not only handle me, but shape and mold me into a better person with just one conversation.
This conversation brought me to the realization that life will always be a struggle, but to become patient with life instead. Have you ever prayed to God about a situation and nothing was to come? Well, God a good friend once told me, "God answers prayers in three ways: yes, no, or not now. So, it might not be the right time for something to happen in your life. You just have to keep strong faith and don't loose hope because God is always working."
This helped me realize I have to be patient. God is always working and working through me. Even when I may feel like the time is right, God might not. He is always making the right decision for me even if they are wrong, because in the end he knows I will come out strong.
For a while, I let myself go. I struggled to keep God first. I was slowly losing communication with God and stopped doing my devotionals. I became flustered with school work and extra activities after school that i completely forgot to talk to God. I became stressed and very anxious. I was annoyed with school and pretty much everything that crossed my path. My attitude and mood changed tremendously. I didn't know why I felt the way I did, but I blamed it on school and stress. The real reason was my lack of faith.
God showed me the purpose of what life is and how hard it can be. He put me through a hard time to show how strong I can be. Everything happens for a reason, and this was a lesson of how to remain strong even through temptations. Today I stuck a reminder on my wall for when I fail to feel like myself. A few things I wrote was: Be kind to yourself, don't overthink, remain calm, read your devotional, pray, paint, play piano, go to church, stay positive, love yourself, and write. These few reminders will help remind me of who I am. This is who I am. A struggling girl finding peace within herself with the help of God and those who love me. Who are you?
