Recently the two most influential pets of my life, my dog and horse, passed suddenly and within 6 days of each other. I live in Maryland and go to school 4.5 hours away. I could not get home in time to say goodbye, or to let them know I was there and that I loved them, or to pet them one last time. They were gone and I was not there.
I had my horse for almost 13 years. I received Sneakers as a surprise when I was seven. I never thought that he would have died this year. His death was a freak accident, making it unexpected. I received the phone call and did not know what to do other than cry for hours.
Six days later, one week ago, I received my second phone call.
I had my dog for almost 15 years. When we got him, I was not even five yet. Lucky was my first and only dog that I ever had and losing him was detrimental. He and I shared every experience together. He was there for my first day of kindergarten to the day I graduated high school. He was there for every boyfriend, my license, and my first day at college. He was always there waiting for me when I got home, greeting me with his tail wagging uncontrollably.
Going home in 2 weeks will be very different. There will not be the greeting I have received for the past 15 years. I will not go down to the barn and see the familiar face that was always waiting for food. The animals that I have loved since I can remember will no longer be the ones I go home to.
The fact that they are no longer going to be there is hard to imagine. It hits me at random times of the day, making it hard to hold back tears. It has been hard to focus on assignments, and to find the things I was passionate about because every memory I have, every passion I had, they were there for.
It is hard to remember that life goes on, that the world keeps spinning even though you feel like its crashing. Tragedies affect everyone differently, but we all experience a tragedy at one point or another. People will say that it gets easier, and that everything is going to be okay. However, what they do not tell you is how hard it is to imagine life without someone. That you will cry for weeks, months, even years. That there will be days where all you want to do is look at pictures and try to hold on to memories because those are the only things you have left from them.
They do not tell you that the initial ache you feel when you get the news, comes back every time you think of them. They tell you to prepare when they are reaching an old age, but they do not tell you that just because you know it is coming, does not mean it is going to be any easier.
There is nothing to prepare you for a tragedy. You can only take it day by day. One day it is going to be okay. One day it will not hurt as much. But no one knows when that day will be. You just need to remember that the world keeps moving, and that they wouldn’t want you to stop your life just because they’re no longer in it. They would want you to live, live knowing that they are always there for you, even if you cannot touch them or see them, they are always in your heart.
