Have you ever felt stupid? I mean, like a prize idiot? Probably at least once in your life. If not: must be fun being perfect. If you do feel stupid, I want you to know that you're not, and you're not alone in feeling that way. I can relate to feeling stupid a majority of the time. Why? It's just a feeling. I sometimes feel like half the time I don't know what anyone is talking about. The other half of the time I feel like I don't know what I'm talking about. I know I'm not stupid—I know plenty of things. I have common sense; though I don't always use it. My grades are always good. It's not really those things. It's more the little mistakes I make throughout daily life. It's the way my body and mind respond to different things.

I am a very passionate person. I feel things deeply; and sometimes, even when I'm aware of issues, my responses will be passionate in a way that seems like I am just hearing about said issues. I misread things often. I confuse things for other things. I misinterpret main points. I have trouble with phrasing. I make jokes that make no sense. I trip over nothing. I make countless grammar mistakes. I end a lot of sentences with the phrase "and stuff like that" because I worry I am unable to efficiently elaborate. I misjudge situations. I forget about assignments or do an assignment that the teacher said we didn’t have to do. It’s not fun. When I realize I've made a mistake I get flushed and reserved and I make silly noises to try and play it off. I think to myself, “oh my god, I’m so stupid, everyone is going to think I’m an ignorant, oblivious bimbo,” and it’s not true; at least, I have no reason to believe that it’s true. And I realize how it has affected me.

I question myself as well as others. I double check everything and still worry that I'm not getting it or that I've made some mistake. I worry constantly about what others think of me. I worry about coming off as a dolt. I worry about how I’m presenting myself and if what I actually intend is being received. I’ve always packed my halloween costume and changed at school rather than just wearing it to school because no matter how many times I checked the date I still worried about the possibility of it not being Halloween. I will often times not speak in class because I feel like whatever I say will be wrong. But what makes me feel even more stupid is that I know its all in my head for the most part.

A lot of my worry comes from my anxiety. I have a lot of anxiety about being seen as stupid and I allow it to hold me back; that only makes me feel worse. I feel worse for having nothing to say, or staying out of conversation out of worry I’m stupid. It’s hard because I also feel bad for questioning and double-checking because I feel like that lets people know I’m stupid and it annoys them but getting help or reassurance is not something to be ashamed of. I worry about doing the wrong thing because I worry about how I’m being perceived. A lot of people feel that way though. We all think that people think about us more than they actually do. For the most part, other people don’t care about what you're doing. Part of what makes me do stupid things is worrying about whether or not I’m doing something stupid. It’s just important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s not the end of the world. Not understanding something, or not knowing the right answer doesn't make you an idiot, it makes you human. Just as much as worrying and f**king up is a part of being human, so too is learning.

So, yeah, I do a lot of dumb s**t. I sometimes sit in a classroom listening to my teacher and thinking “what?” I make people repeat things just to make sure I know exactly what’s going on. I question everything. I read signs five times over and then question if what I see written is what everyone else sees. I say things that make no sense. I miss the point of discussions—but so does everyone else. It's not fun to feel stupid, but I've realized that worrying so much about misunderstanding things and sounding stupid has lead to to at times sound stupid because I will not allow myself to speak fully out of fear I will be wrong. I let all of those worries and questions hinder me. Anxiety is not easy to deal with in any regard, and I hope you know that if you have it it doesn't make you stupid. What is stupid is allowing it to keep you from living your life how you want to live it.

We all worry about what other people think but if we allow those worries to overtake us then we will never be able to be ourselves or contribute anything to the world. No one thinks you're dumb for making mistakes here and there, and if they do then that’s on them. And having anxiety doesn't make you stupid. The important thing is to focus on trusting yourself, doing things that make you happy, and surrounding yourself with people who will not judge you. I don’t feel like the brightest bulb in the lamp store, which I assume is an establishment that would sell light bulbs, and maybe I’m not. There are a lot of things I don’t know; but that's okay. I can act naive sometimes even though I know I’m not. But I don’t have to allow that to control or silence me; and neither do you.