As I was taking a trip down memory lane, I stumbled upon a poem I had written/ performed in high school. I wrote it based off of my ex boyfriend that I still had unwanted feelings for. I can still remember how much pain it brought my young heart; my inability to comprehend how a 17 year old boy could completely shred me to pieces. It's comical to me now. I laugh at my ignorance as well as my constant struggle to earn his affection back ; having all these high expectations at such a young age. It's astonishing how much your first "heartbreak" can teach you. I look back at this poem now and can't help but wonder why I wasted valuable data space on an irrelevant individual. Silly me.

I put heartbreak in quotes because my first love didn't break my heart. My first love was merely a lesson that everyone needs. I want to save the word heartbreak for when I ACTUALLY need it and I know that I am no where close to being able to comprehend that sort of pain.

Anyways, a huge shout out to the boy who I thought broke my heart. You only taught me to be aware of how effortless it is to be naive. My heart remains fully unscathed . I'm doing well without you :)

Below is my poem. I hope it can bring back memories for you and you'll remember what it was like to not be able to see outside of the high school "bubble." If you've experienced this kind of pain, power to you dude. I'm sure you're free from the chains of naivety and perfectly blissful. If not, take a deep breath, I promise you'll get there.

Binge Drinking

Loving you is like binge drinking.

I'm only drunk every now and then.

"Pick your poison" they say, handing me foam brimmed

glasses filled with carbonated confidence.

Hopes dumped into a bathroom stall like a school girls first sip.

I was too filled with the emptiness of you.-

Mom says I am wasted from two to two.

My friends say I stink of addiction.

I was numb in the presence ofyour beauty,

My soul became a bar tap fountain dehydrated after a Saturday night.

I stumbled in your company, till every morning a raging heart break hangover split my skull.

You used to taste sweet and tart like sugar sprinkled grapefruit on my lips.

Innocent like open mouths craving winters first snowfall.

Forgetting that there is always a chance for frostbite.

My first sip, I'm just buzzed.

My second gulp, now I'm dining with mad hatters.

My third bottle, I no longer see that I am getting larger, the doors leading to my escape becoming smaller.

I am Alice, sinking deeper and deeper into this Wonderland you've created for me.

But that last shot burned like lava,

Wake up.

It pleads .

Wake up

It begs me.

Wake. Up.

You stand before me, a tempting glass bottle commanding "Drink Me."

Except this time, I need no potions to escape.

I may be blonde but I am no longer clueless

I can walk in a straight line

I talk with purposeful rhymes.

My judgment is clear honey, I thought you were a ten when

You really were a five.

I got the help I needed.

I no longer see you through the bottom of a bottle.

You are no longer my emotional weakness.

My quick fix or last option.

I belong in the hands of a boy who brings fire to my soul like a summers first day of heat.

Safety like a child nestled in its mothers arms.

Remembering that love never felt so secure.